Mamma Mia! (2008)

The comedy-musical "Mamma Mia!" is flat-out torture-porn. The vision of Pierce Brosnan, Colin Firth and Stellan Skarsgard singing in glittery, open-chest disco jumpsuits is the most terrifying movie scene I've ever witnessed. Godless. Now I can dig a musical, but this ABBA-fused sing-a-long of a young bride (Amanda Seyfried) longing to know the identity of her father (the three luckless are contenders) has all the charm of an all-singing, audience-participation version of "Hostel" as presented by Tennessee's worst dinner theater. At one point, I thought a group of seagulls was drowning on the beach. Turns out it was the groom's wedding party dancing. Brosnan's singing could spread atheism. You know the quote, "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings"? Every time Brosnan sings, an angel is beaten to death with a crowbar then nailed to a cross and set on fire. Meryl Streep, still a stunner at 60, survives the ordeal with her dignity intact. I can't say the same for me, having watched this film. D+