Saturday, July 11, 2009

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2008)

"In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale," directed by the incomparably retched Uwe Boll ("Alone in the Dark"), follows a simple medieval farmer, named Farmer and played by Jason Statham, whose child is killed and wife kidnapped by creatures known as Krug. In his quest of heroism and revenge, Farmer must give his loyalty to the king (Burt Reynolds) and take on the Krug's evil master sorcerer (Ray Liotta).

This would be impressive if it was a YouTube video posted by high school-age film geeks with a couple hundred bucks to spare, but it's not. "King" excels in mediocrity with sets and costumes that appear to be rejects from the "LOTR" art department, clumsily staged battles and the sin of never once enchanting the viewer. Even by accident.

Its awfulness is purely hilarious. How else do you explain guffawing when a mother (Claire Forlani) learns her young child is dead? You should cry with her. But Forlani sobs as if her prom corsage has just been ruined. Worse yet, her crying sounds dubbed.

Nearly every actor is bored or miscast, but no one more so than Liotta. (OK, maybe Reynolds as a king is the biggest stretch.) Overweight and possibly stoned, Liotta is shockingly inept. Here's a guy who held his own against De Niro and Pesci in the classic "Goodfellas," being carted around a cheap stage on wires in a Big Lots version of Tolkien. But, Statham comes off unblemished. This guy is a movie star, even in junk. D

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