Transcendence (2014)

A week after seeing Wally Pfister’s “Transcendence,” the flick barely registers in my brain. I vaguely recall the finale as insulting, and unfathomably boring, everything proceeding a slog lacking any remote urgency. That’s an unexpected turn for director Pfister, who served as DP on all of Chris Nolan’s films, including “Inception.” Johnny Depp is Will, an AI genius obsessed with loading a person’s consciousness to the Cloud because, I mean, that’s safe. When fate deals Will a blow, his scientist wife (Rebecca Hall) uploads hubs to a supercomputer lest she lose him forever. Will 2.0 takes his new environment too well, becoming a HAL high on Orwell: Watcher of all, raiser of dead, and controller of the Cloud, and clouds. The folks at Infowars might shake in fear. I yawned. See, Depp -– appearing like a ghostly sleep-deprived Max Headroom -- mumbles his lines and gets halfway creepy, but never dangerous. This film desperately needs danger. Skip HAL. Will becomes a lovesick Speak N’ Spell. I won’t spill the end, but know this: It defies logic in such a leap that it left me fuming. Artificial intelligence has never been slower. D+

Lucy and RoboCop (both 2014)

Remember that “better, stronger, faster” intro from “Six Million Dollar Man,” with the TV astronaut who escapes death with a new bod and brain to rival Superman? 

Recent films “Lucy” and “RoboCop” -– the latter a remake of the classic 1987 gallows-humor action flick –- replay that tune, respectively following a woman (Scarlett Johansson) who becomes an unstoppable fighter/thinker after she ingests a fantastical drug, and an honest cop (Joel Kinnaman) who’s reborn as a cyborg after being blown to bits in Detroit.

Packed with loads of potential, both fall short of better, stronger, or faster.

At least “Lucy” is quick-paced at less than 90-minutes as our heroine goes from unwilling drug mule to omnipotent hero within 24 hours. Luc Besson directs screaming preacher style that if only humans were smarter, we’d kill each other less, in between long glorious shots of ultra-cool people slaughtering each other in fab fab fab slo-mo action. Seriously, Besson wants us to leave thinking peace and love, but after four bloodbath massacres and untold car crashes, who is he kidding? Morgan Freeman plays a scientist who utters, “I just hope we will be worthy of your sacrifice,” and somehow keeps from laughing as SJ goes on a nature-filled time bender that outs Besson as a Terrence Malick/Doctor Who mash-up fan-fiction writer. Johansson is spectacular and long past due her own Marvel film. B-

The new “RoboCop” starts strong with Samuel L. Jackson as a Glenn Beck-type screaming about glorious freedom, before we jump to a near-future terrified Iran patrolled by robots and drones made in the U.S. of A. “Bring it here!,” SLJ’s right-wing nut demands, as any wrong move gets a man or woman or child slaughtered onscreen. Freedom means obeying. I thought this new RoboCop is going international, after the NSA, CIA, and Cheney’s shoot first manta, and – stop! -- we’re back in Detroit, stuck with the same 1987 plot bucket of evil corporation, human overcoming robotics, kingpin villains, and corrupt cops, all with a limiting PG-13 rating. Fox News is an easy target, and the Detroit in this dystopian America fails to match the current grim reality. Talk about tone deaf. Imagine a war satire so sharp it makes Bush and Obama wince. That film played in my head as I tried to stay awake here. C-

Last Vegas (2013)

The pitch for “Last Vegas” must have sounded thusly, “It’s the ‘Hangover,’ but with old people!” But PG-13, of course. Impossible to hate, difficult to love, “Last” stars Michael Douglas, Morgan Freeman, Kevin Kline, and Robert De Niro as life-long pals raised in a sunny, racially-harmonic 1950s Brooklyn straight out of Quebec that reunite decades later after the hot-shot playboy millionaire –- that’s Douglas -– finally decides to marry. The bride is 31 years old. Naturally, the pals fret. So Vegas, lots of booze and gambling, lots of fighting with automatic car doors and cell phones, and lots of wide-eyed stares at the shiny world. Then the quartet throw a raucous bachelor party that attracts the MTV crowd with one big ick moment: A college-aged girl tosses her naked body at Kline’s married horn dog, just hours after she tells him he looks exactly like her granddad. He demurs, but for oral sex, and comes out the hero. The incest remark goes unnoticed. The only reason to watch “Last” -- much like “Stand Up Guys” -– is to see great actors slightly tweak characters they played long ago in far better movies. It’s barely enough. B-

The Lego Movie (2014)

Nearly a week after seeing “The Lego Movie” with my niece and nephew I’m still on a buzzy high of nostalgia for the hundreds of hours I spent playing with the famed building blocks as a child -- especially during those long Philly snow days –- and the endless clever wit and deft satire that filmmakers Phil Lord and Christopher Miller (both of “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs”) bring to this 90-minute blast. 

Face it, this movie could have been a shallow toy ad hawking nonsense, I’m looking at you, “Smurfs.” In a playful trick, though, our story instead spoofs mass-commercialization, all those “The Matrix” knock-offs with the savior complex, “Nineteen Eighty Four,” and the legendary (and outright silly) debate between those who see Legos as high-art engineering tools and young children who just want to mess about and play and not worry about rules or constriction. 

(I will not touch the Fox News controversy over the plot and story. Some folks truly need to not make everything on earth a political target, a bit of scotch in a glass, buy a puppy, smoke some pot, the choices are wide and plenty.) 

Our hero is blank-slate construction worker Emmet (Chris Pratt) who gets swept up in a massive adventure as “The One,” the Neo-like hero who can save Lego humanity from its destruction and the walls that separate metropolises from western towns. 

The twist: Emmet really is just a guy, and a dork at that, perplexing and outright pissing off all the real “heroes” around him, Batman -– in a legendary vocal turn by Will Arnett, a squabbling Superman and Green Lantern (Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill, respectively), and a good lot of heroes from “Harry Potter,” “Lord of the Rings,” and -- most impressive “Star Wars,” all toys that have their own Lego worlds. 

This bit could fall into toy ad here, but it doesn’t: Gandolf and Dumbledore squabble, and Billy Dee Williams (!!) as Lando still is sleazy as ever. (The Millennium Falcon bit alone is worth the price of three admissions.) All these guys could be the hero, but it’s Emmet, following the sage advice of Moses/Morpheus do-gooder prophet Vitruvius (Morgan Freeman) who is finally – finally, we get to see this –- full of shit. 

The beginning is shaky, oddly sudden, and the end -- which smashes open the fourth- and fifth- and sixth-walls may be so daring and “out there,” I’m still wrapping my head around it, but I think I loved it. (I saw it coming, but man curve balls are thrown.) It sure as heck is different than anything I have seen come down the pike.

The visuals are amazing as every frame pops and my 11-year-old nephew reached out countless times to “grab” the screen and the plastic “toys” before him. Visual gags come fast, including entire Lego play sets from my youth, and even the cast knocks their own career, none better than Liam Neeson as a two-faced bad cop with a dangerous Irish accent and a squeaky clean voice on the other side. 

Inside jokes are fast as well: The Lego part numbers get a lot of play, a detail even I had forgotten about. An absolute delight and a real high mark from Warner Bros., especially after the rut of so-so CGI animated fare we have seen from normal kings of the block Pixar and Dreamworks. 

“Lego Movie” is amazing endless fun, and puts children center. It also is one of the rare films that excels at 3-D. See it, guys and gals, now. I plan to again. Without the niece and nephew. Just me and *my* 11-year-old self, the one buried deep inside. Still there. A

Olympus Has Fallen (2013)

“Olympus Has Fallen” is a ridiculous “Die Hard” knock-off that pits a lone hero (Gerard Butler of “300”) against a pack of terrorists at the White House, but -- ironically, maybe – is far better than the POS “Die Hard 6” ever hoped to be. That’s a lukewarm compliment. This is the kind of flick one watches in silent awe because of the riotous onscreen tug-of-war between “blow ’em up” fist-pump carnage and “can you believe this?” brain-killer stupidity. Case in point: After North Korean terrorists attack the White House, killing hundreds of people, taking hostage the president (Aaron Eckhart), and grabbing control of all U.S. nukes, the speaker of the house (Morgan Freeman) appears on TV and dumbly declares, “Our government is 100 percent functional.” Seriously! Not even Mr. Freeman can sell that crap. He tries. I laughed. Director Antoine Fugu (“Training Day”) has built a beat-for-beat rip-off of the 1988 classic, down to the Army helicopter crash, minus the Twinkie. At least “Olympus" never pretends to be anything but a B-grade shadow of a knock-off, and that goes a long way for slack. Butler is no Bruce Willis, though, and his wisecrack attempts ring hollow. How’s “White House Down”? C+

Now You See Me (2013)

As a comic book geek, I love the crop of summer superhero flicks. This year alone, “Iron Man 3” and “Man of Steel” roar loud, and more Avengers and Spider-Man are on the way. But it’s a genre that is now well-worn, so all the more welcome to “Now You See Me,” what I call a One-Upper Film. That is, a group of great actors play out action -– here’s it’s magicians bent on Robin Hood thievery and the FBI agent on the hunt –- as they try to outsmart, out-trick, and show off to one another. Not just as characters they play, but as actors, too. Yes, CGI and big explosions abound, but “Now” is about the cast: Sharp curious eyes and bows of pleasurable worship as Woody Harrelson, Mark Ruffalo, Jesse Eisenberg, Morgan Freeman, and Michael Caine, among others, show off for us and themselves on camera. Director/ writer Louis Leterrier’s complicated, can you top me?, magic trick plot pitches illusion, flashbacks, and double- and triple-takes, and it all may not stand up to deep scrutiny, but damn, I dug this. A wild card summer hit that’s as popcorn bright fun as “Prestige” –- another magic tale with Caine -– was dark. A-

Conan the Barbarian (2011)

Conan the Barbarian has it rough in “Conan the Barbarian,” the new remake of the 1982 blockbuster. Toward the end of this sword-and-sandals tale, Conan sneaks into a castle, crawls through rancid water, and fights several large goons and a giant octopus thingy. All to rescue a Damsel In Distress. When Conan finally arrives at the castle’s keep, he realizes the bad guys have left with the DID. Oops. Poor guy never has it easy: The first scene has Conan as a fetus (!) dodging a sword. Really. This is fodder for hilarious, self-aware kitsch a la “Flash Gordon,” but it’s just loud and dumb, with a murky climax that must have been unwatchable in 3D. TV actor Jason Momoa takes over the lead from Arnold Schwarzenegger, a harsh task, and he can’t sell lines like, “I live, I love, I slay, and I am content.” Maybe no one outside of Monty Python could spin that junk. Rose McGowan plays a witch, maybe bonking evil daddy, and well knows she’s in an unintended satire. No one else does. Morgan Freeman narrates for no clear reason. Hope he got paid well. C-

Red (2010)

“Red” is actually, apparently, “R.E.D.” – as in Retired Extremely Dangerous. Or something like that. It’s a comic book movie without the tights and powers, but with plenty of over-the-top action that makes “The A-Team” seem as tame as “Jane Eyre.” The catch – the raison d’etre -- is the casting. Not Bruce Willis in the lead. We’ve all seen him mow down 106 bad guys and blow-up office skyscrapers. Yawn. But Helen Mirren with a sniper rifle? John Malkovich with a grenade launcher? Morgan Freeman slapping people? Wee! It’s The AARP Team. Plot: Mirren, Freeman and Malkovich help Willis’ newly retired CIA killer avoid being hunted by his former employer (led by Karl Urban of “Star Trek.”) over a massive government whoops. The flick is a goofy blast when the guns are blazing and fireballs booming. It’s a snore when anyone opens their mouth to talk. The director, whoever that is, enjoys throwing up juvenile CGI postcards to help the pace. Dumb idea. Bonus points: Ernest Borgnine plays word games as a vault keeper, and is a blast of fresh air. At age 93. All hail McHale! B-

Glory (1989)

"Glory" was a longtime favorite film, top five. It's dropped down the list quite a bit since I saw it in a theater in 1989, being absolutely blown away by the film's story of the first black Union regiment in the Civil War. And I still am blown away, in absolute awe of the relentless depictions of battle, and the camp scenes, and the drama of an America going through self-inflicted, suicidal hell (and we think we have it rough now, oh, what bad memories we have) to regain part of its soul. Or maybe get a new one, depending on how you see history. Maybe the latter, more, to me.

Matthew Broderick put away his Ferris to play Robert Shaw, the young colonel tasked with leading the 54th Mass. Among his charges are Morgan Freeman as a grave digger turned spiritual guru, Andre Braugher as free man and childhood friend of Shaw's, and -- in a breakout role -- Denzel Washington as an escaped slave righteously and rightfully angry at the world.

The battle scenes are gritty, dirty and seem realistic (having participated in Civil War re-enactments myself) and the story, again, is amazing. Director Edward Zwick ("Legends of the Fall") lays on the pomp and the heroism thick, but this still is a great, great film. The cinematography by Freddie Francis still amazes 20 years later. Some hate Broderick in the lead, but I think he's perfect. Broderick is a light dramatic actor (excellent comedian), and he plays a man out of his league here who must rise to the occasion and the sheer aura of those around him. At film's end, Broderick does that. A

Wanted (2008)

"Wanted" is a ludicrous film and its plot might fall apart like melted butter on a second viewing, but this action hit is firing on so many cylinders, I didn't care.

James McAvoy is Wesley Gibson, an office drone with a heinous job and an offensively fat, cruel boss. He also has a whining girlfriend at home who's banging his best friend/co-worker. Wesley pops a dozen or more anxiety pills a day just to keep from losing his sanity. On Wesley's routine visit to the pharmacy, the mysterious Fox (Angelina Jolie) comes up to him at the counter, tells the man his long-absent father is dead, and that the killer -- the best assassin alive -- is lurking right around the corner. Guns explode, cars shed tires and gravity, and the game is on.

Wesley learns he is part of The Fraternity, a mysterious, ancient group of assassins who bring order to chaos throughout the world on the will of a mysterious weaving device. (Am I using the word mysterious too much? I warned you about the logic here.) Wesley, after a grueling training process, learns his main mission is to kill the man who killed his father. Morgan Freeman co-stars as Sloan, the Fraternity's leader.

Director Timor Bekmambetov ("Daywatch") creates a fascinating world that doesn't exist, but it should -- cars knock down and then drive over a bus, and bullets can be fired through insurmountable objects across the entire city of Chicago before finding their target. Oh, and the trajectory of bullets can be bent at will. (So that's how Oswald killed JFK! Finally!!) In one bravo action sequence, Wesley squares off against his enemy on a high-speed European train, which Jolie smashes into with her car. I laughed at the design of the stunt, the mind-bending action and myself for so thoroughly enjoying this nonsense.

The film doesn't have the grand scope and sheer brilliance of "The Matrix," but like "Face/Off" or "True Lies," "Wanted" proves that even the zaniest action film can wow your senses and make you not notice, or even care, if the juggler on stage drops a ball or two. B+