Lucy and RoboCop (both 2014)

Remember that “better, stronger, faster” intro from “Six Million Dollar Man,” with the TV astronaut who escapes death with a new bod and brain to rival Superman? 

Recent films “Lucy” and “RoboCop” -– the latter a remake of the classic 1987 gallows-humor action flick –- replay that tune, respectively following a woman (Scarlett Johansson) who becomes an unstoppable fighter/thinker after she ingests a fantastical drug, and an honest cop (Joel Kinnaman) who’s reborn as a cyborg after being blown to bits in Detroit.

Packed with loads of potential, both fall short of better, stronger, or faster.

At least “Lucy” is quick-paced at less than 90-minutes as our heroine goes from unwilling drug mule to omnipotent hero within 24 hours. Luc Besson directs screaming preacher style that if only humans were smarter, we’d kill each other less, in between long glorious shots of ultra-cool people slaughtering each other in fab fab fab slo-mo action. Seriously, Besson wants us to leave thinking peace and love, but after four bloodbath massacres and untold car crashes, who is he kidding? Morgan Freeman plays a scientist who utters, “I just hope we will be worthy of your sacrifice,” and somehow keeps from laughing as SJ goes on a nature-filled time bender that outs Besson as a Terrence Malick/Doctor Who mash-up fan-fiction writer. Johansson is spectacular and long past due her own Marvel film. B-

The new “RoboCop” starts strong with Samuel L. Jackson as a Glenn Beck-type screaming about glorious freedom, before we jump to a near-future terrified Iran patrolled by robots and drones made in the U.S. of A. “Bring it here!,” SLJ’s right-wing nut demands, as any wrong move gets a man or woman or child slaughtered onscreen. Freedom means obeying. I thought this new RoboCop is going international, after the NSA, CIA, and Cheney’s shoot first manta, and – stop! -- we’re back in Detroit, stuck with the same 1987 plot bucket of evil corporation, human overcoming robotics, kingpin villains, and corrupt cops, all with a limiting PG-13 rating. Fox News is an easy target, and the Detroit in this dystopian America fails to match the current grim reality. Talk about tone deaf. Imagine a war satire so sharp it makes Bush and Obama wince. That film played in my head as I tried to stay awake here. C-

Escape from L.A. (1996)

“Escape from L.A.” has to be joke. Whether it’s on or with the audience, I cannot say for sure. John Carpenter’s sequel to the 1981 cult hit “Escape from New York” marks the riotously silly return of monosyllabic, one-eyed, not very bright, but ass-kicker king Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell, who also co-wrote the film) as he’s again dropped into a future hellhole American city with another do-or-die mission. The special effects range from mildly ugly to unfit for a film school entry and the music score is torture. Carpenter and Russell, though, take grinning digs at Los Angeles life, plastic surgeries as “House of Wax” horror, and –- best of all -- create a political satire more relevant even now. This America is in 2013, with a Jesus freak Virginian as president bent on exiling all “sinners,” with the White House in Lynchburg, home of the wrongly named Liberty University. Ken Cuccinelli could be this prez, if he’s ever given the chance. Don’t fret, righties. Lefties get the pole with a Che Guevara knock-off. Both sides, screwed raw in the back. Nice. The action is knowingly laughable, with Pam Grier as a *man* who can fly. Sort of. B-