Star Wars: The Force Awakens (2015)

George Lucas couldn’t do it, stuck in the past obsessed on fixing the unbroken, telling already spoken tales. Now 23 years after “Return of the Jedi” melted my 9-year-old brain and had me wondering What Happens Next, J.J. Abrams (“Super 8”) finally takes us to the future of a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. “Star Wars: Force Awakens” (Episode VII) of course cannot live up to 32 years of geek inner-hype, nor that of the Disney Machine, how could it? But this epic smash captures the joy and kinks of the original trilogy, warts and all. Dialogue is corny. Villainous motive is vague. But we get fantastic fights – light sabers! -- and flights -- Falcon! – morality and immorality as inheritance, new heroes (Daisy Ridley and John Boyega) and old ones (Ford, Fisher, and Hamill) not seen in decades. John Williams. I spill no secrets. Abrams gets “Star Wars” is popcorn escapist entertainment built on fantastic characters from our dreams. Lucas’ prequels forgot that, lost in CGI and info dumps. “Awakens” thrills at every turn, with humor and Harrison Ford at the top of his game, back as Han Solo. I cheered. I gasped. Bring on VIII. A-

P.S. I will revisit this film later, in detail. For now, this will do. #Spoilers #LimitedTime #IKniowI'mBiased

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Part II (2015) and one more Movie Round Up

Don’t let any of this let you think I don’t bow to the acting power that is Jennifer Lawrence … or Donald Sutherland, the latter one of my favorite actors, whether he’s saint or sinner. But, barely 400 pages, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay did not deserve two films. Yet here we are, me watching a two-hour-plus film of the back half of a slim YA novel that was a quick dystopian read, but can’t sustain 4-plus hours of film. Serious time suck. You know the plot? Teenage hero Katniss Everdeen (Lawrence) lives in a “Nineteen Eighty-Four” world with Sutherland as a fascist dictator who hosts annual war games on TV with kids killing kids, for fun. Rebellion hits. This is the final (final) fight-the-power war film, but a slog; limp where it ought to bite. Author Suzanne Collins never had the drama for this much movie. Katniss suffers a devastating loss midway through. On page, it killed. On screen, it whimpers. Two films one year apart, the tension vaporizes. “Mockingjay” ought to leave a viewer restless, dizzy, hungry. This third sequel, coupled with its cringing long first half left me tired, listless. RIP Philip Seymour Hoffman in his final film. B-

Dwayne Johnson battles an angry Earth in San Andreas (2015), a goofy earthquake drama that matches endless CGI to 1970s disaster flick kicks. Millions die. Johnson saves his family. F those other people. A film made to endlessly mock, safely from the East Coast. B

In The Swarm (1978), a regretful-looking Michael Caine plays a scientist battling a massive bee attack on America. The bees aren’t the threat. It’s the dialogue: “By tomorrow there will be no more Africans,” a hero says. Seriously. A white guy says that. One wonders how this movie ever saw the light of day. D-

Gaslight (1944) is so famous a mind-fuck film, the title has become its own phrase, Gaslighting. Ingrid Bergman plays a young wife driven mad by her husband (Charles Bergman) in a mystery plot that still burns. Fantastic photography and a great performance by Bergman, with Angela Lansbury, too. Watch it, with the lights out. A

Matt Damon goes to Iraq in The Green Zone (2010), a war drama that takes on the great WMD FUBAR by the Bush Administration, but with such a heavy lib hand of self-righteous finger-waving, Michael Moore might weep. Paul Greengrass directs. Less is more, guys. B-

I re-watched Casino Royale (2006) weeks before new Bond film “Spectre” came out. I post out of order. Forget that film. This is classic. Daniel Craig’s first outing sticks (kind of) close to Ian Fleming’s book with untested 007 taking on an arms-dealing crook (Mads Mikkelsen) at a poker table. Brutal, thrilling, and constrained, this is near Bond’s best. A

Robert Mitchum is one of my favorite actors. He sells everything he ever did with seemingly no effort, a guy who has done more off screen than most heroes and villains have on. In Yakuza (1974), Mitchum is a WWII vet who returns to Japan as a private dick to do private dick stuff, and gets roped in a conspiracy dating back 30 years. The clunky swords-and-guns finale is way much, the thump chopping way way much, but there’s a pulse of haunted, ragged blood in this Sydney Pollack film that can’t be faked. B+

Tim Burton’s best film remains Edward Scissorhands (1990) a satire and love story about a misfit boy (Johnny Depp with little dialogue, but perfect) left incomplete by his kindly creator (Vincent Piece, in his final role). Instead of fingers, Edward has long sharp scissors that can slice his own face and slice others. Taken in by a Florida family (Alan Arkin and Diane Wiest) with a teen daughter (Winona Ryder), Edward learns the American Dream is lovely, as long as you never question the American Dream. Burton has rarely worked with a more soulful, playful screenplay, and he is given a masterpiece score by Danny Elfman. Ryder dancing in a storm of ice iBurton’s best moment, ever so brief, as she is cut deep, and accidentally, by Edward and blood spills. As remarkable as when I first saw it. A

Midnight Run (1988) -– never saw it until now, imagine that -– is part of the 1980s staple of buddy flicks, mismatched characters played by marque actors bicker and fight ’ti they have be friends. “48 Hrs.” “Lethal Weapon.” “Trading Places.” Y’know, right? Here, Robert De Niro is an ex-cop turned bounty hunter taking Charles Grodin’s thieving mob accountant with a heart of gold to jail. Cross county. By car, train, biplane, and foot. Funny. Smart. With an edge. Grodin driving De Niro nuts is great, great fun. B+

Spectre (2015)

James Bond returns and so does another “B” name guy in “Spectre,” Daniel Craig’s fourth 007, starting were 2012’s bloody “Skyfall” ended, with Sam Medes again as director. We open on Mexico City on Dia de Muertos with Bond, silent, glaring, and donning a skull mask as he stalks a man in a white suit. A religious parade blares on the street as Bond creeps on rooftops. “Godfather, Part II” vibes bounce hard. Bond takes his shot. Boom. Shit hits. Roll song. It’s down hill after. The song’s a shrieky-dude bust, and the movie that follows has great moments –- Craig fights a silent, giant killer (Dave Bautista) aboard a train as in “Russia With Love,” but when we get to the big bad in this big data flick, “Spectre” turns into a goddamn joke. And Christoph Waltz -– he of “Inglorious Basterds” fame –- is the punchline. He plays He Who Should Have Remained Unnamed with the lamest motive I’ve seen in years. It’s not “Quantum of Solace” or some other series duds –- what’s the one with Halle Berry? -– but this one flick trashes four. Even new-era champ “Casino Royale.” B-

The Road Warrior, a.k.a. Mad Max 2 (1981)

Still on a high from “Mad Max: Fury Road,” I caught George Miller’s “The Road Warrior” on TV, my first viewing in maybe two decades. Here, the world is spiraling toward the wasteland seen in “Beyond Thunderdome,” and the greatest commodity again is fuel. The only human need is to get the hell out to someplace else. Max –- still Mel Gibson, a remarkable actor of barely hidden rage –- reluctantly joins forces with a ragtag group of survivors who run a makeshift oil rig in the Outback desert, and are under attack from rampaging looters. Max drives the action here, figuratively and literally, as he takes the wheel of car and bus. The ending is too abrupt, as if money ran out, but the action is intense even if paling in comparison to the new film. That’s OK. Tech constraints. Imagine if Miller has today’s digital cameras 34 years ago. A-

The Expendables 3 (2014)

“The Expendables” brings back Sylvester Stallone and his action pals (Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jet Li, Jason Statham) for more grinding mayhem, this time against Mel Gibson as an arms dealer. After the improved sequel, “3” ought to be aces. It’s garbage. The film gets cut to a bloodless PG-13 to get the kids in, but it’s still far too violent for children, with hundreds of onscreen deaths. (Yet, “Boyhood” got an R!?!) But that’s nitpicking. The plot is shambles, bending backward to intro younger heroes, all of them a snore – especially Kellan Lutz from “Legend of Hercules.” The young lot get captured, forcing the older lot to stage a rescue mission. Why bother? Gibson proves again he’s wildcard actor, brimming with madness, but his role is a bust. Buying bad art for $3M is evil? Harrison Ford plays a spook subbing for Bruce Willis, who played “Agent Church” in parts 1 and 2, but quit this entry over pay. So Ford delivers the line, “Church is out of the picture,” and winks directly into the camera. I saw a tear in his eye. C-

Film Round Up, Part IV

Another quick dive through several films I've watched recently... 

Dreamworks’ How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014) –- clunky title aside -– smartly carries the story of a boy warrior (Jay Berchanal) and his pet dragon, the former coming of age and discovering a family secret even his own father did not know. If “Dragon” 1 was a wondrous adventure for the young set, this chapter is for pre-teens mature enough to know adventure often brings crushing hurt along with glory. B+

Kiss Me Deadly (1955) is the classically warped film noir with detective Mike Hammer tracking the ID of a woman he meets in the road, hours before she dies. This Hammer (Ralph Meeker) is too GQ clean -– I get it, Hayes Code -– but he can play cruel, within the Hayes Code. The famous leftward climactic turn is one of the great WTF movie moments, inspiring even “Pulp Fiction.” Quite a “Twilight Zone” trip. A-

Wrath of the Titans (2013) is a massive step-up from its predecessor, 2010’s “Clash of the Titans.” I gave that miserable CGI bore a C+, and was generous to do so. Somehow it begat a sequel, but -– shocker -– this chapter improves as Perseus (Sam Worthington) heads Down Under to the Underworld to save dad Zeus (Liam Neeson) from death. It’s still a CGI overload, dumb as hell (good guys fight demons with... fire?!!?), but it’s got a more humorous wink-wink vibe, and Neeson and Ralph Fiennes (as Hades) ham it up wonderfully. B

Jurassic World (2015) and Massive Film Round Up, Part III

Still catching up to significant and newish films watched… I open with current box office beast “Jurassic World” -– seen at a preview -– and then hit on older films. All quick. Run!

Jurassic World (2015) comes as close as any of the sequels to 1993 Spielberg classic “Jurassic Park” to capturing the sheer terror/joy of dinosaurs run amok in the modern world. Running the show here is indie darling Colin Trevorrow (“SafetyNot Guaranteed”) as director and one of four writers. Plot? Humans foolishly open an amusement park full of DNA-juiced dinosaurs who do what dinosaurs do. Hunt. Kill. Chris Pratt -– hot off “Guardians of the Galaxy” -– is the hero who knows what’s right. Kids get lost. People die. Dinosaurs roar loud. Our eyes fill. Our ears relent. It’s damn entertaining and smart with its knowing of the first film’s events as real and its place in Hollywood. Trevorrow knows how to sell action. But this “World” is Lost: It’s disgustingly sexist. Bryce Dallas Howard plays a Corporate Career Bitch who needs a man and a tragedy to crack her shell so she can swoon. Every other female is a basket case of tears and panic. Fuck that. Not after “Mad Max: Fury Road.” Trevorrow homages “Aliens” on screen, but it’s clear he never learned what made that film soar. There’s no Ripley here. Not by 65 million years. B

Bill Murray is at low-key best as a recluse who only thinks he wants to be a loner, until he learns – via a hand-written letter – that he is a father in director Jim Jarmusch’s epically cool Broken Flowers (2005). A-

Dr. Who and the Daleks (1965) ignores the plot of then-new BBC hit show about a time-traveling alien and makes the hero a doddering old human grandpa (Peter Cushing!) with an eye for gadgets. Result: Goofy silly 1960s fun with pop art sets and a Doctor who doesn’t do much but wink. Often. B

Dracula Untold (2014) serves an origin story we didn’t need with Luke Evans as the warlord count who goes to the dark side. Unmemorable and visually bland. Against “Bram Stoker’s Dracula,” it sucks. C

The ever-lovely Julia Louis-Dreyfus takes center stage in Enough Said (2013) as a woman who falls for her new BFF’s ex-husband. A romantic comedy that is purely adult, smart, and hilarious. ‘Nuf said. A-

Horrible Bosses 2 (2014) feels like an unnecessary sequel. The first installment was dirty, wonderfully funny. But Jason Bateman, Charlie Day, and Jason Sudekis had me laughing my ass off, constantly. B+

Clint Eastwood had two films in 2014: New war classic “American Sniper,” and musical-turned-movie Jersey Boys (2014), a flick that pops when the music is on, but flat lines everywhere else. Literally, when a college-age daughter succumbs off screen, one could think it was from boredom rather bad drugs. C+

The Maze Runner (2014) adapts a dystopian book about a teen boy trapped inside a closed-off world, surrounded by only boys. No adults. It feels very “Lord ofthe Flies,” and sure enough the fat nerd buys it. B

The less said about Johnny Depp and his mustache comedy bit in Mortedcai (2015), the better. Look at Gwyneth Paltrow’s face, she’s smiling so damn hard I kept thinking, “It’s CG!” Truly, honestly awful.  D-

Dickens novel turned musical Oliver! (1968) won Best Picture over not-nominated “Producers,” “2001,” and “Rosemary’s Baby.” Criminal? Yes. But the film -– overlong and overdone (the “Who Will Buy?” bit is asinine back lot studio shit) –- isn’t terrible. Jack Wild as Artful Dodger is amazingly gifted. When he’s on screen, my God, the film jumps. The kid playing Oliver? Dubbed. By a twentysomething woman. B-

Drama/comedy This is Where I Leave You (2014) has Jane Fonda as the mom of a rowdy lot. It’s funny, but when adult characters moan while sitting on the roof a huge house, I think, “White People Problems.” B-

I recently sat in awe of the “new” cut of Orson Welles’ Touch of Evil (1958). The drowned opener is back, as are missing scenes that make the plot of murder, drugs, and blackmail along the U.S.-Mexican border finally click. Charlton Heston’s half-Mexican cop is angrier. Welles’ fat, evil cop Hank Quinlan is more perverse, and he’s long been one of cinema’s worst pigs. This 1998 re-edit – made to Welles’ specifications that were studio steamrolled – makes an already dark film shock with new grit. See it. A

300: Rise of an Empire (2014)

Not a sequel, not a prequel, more likely a tax write-off, “300: Rise of an Empire” plays like a long-ass chunk of deleted scenes from 2006’s “300,” from director Zack Snyder and Comic Book God Frank Miller. Shot in studio with buff-ass actors against green screens in an endless orgy of deft Greek violence, guts, blood, and machismo, “300” fuckin’ rocked, killing every snob film instinct I hold. Sick, depraved, baseless fun. This thing, seven years late and directed by some shit I cannot Google, plays like a junior high school knock off. I grow tired rehashing it. Eva Green (“Casino Royale”) is the conquering bad ass b*tch coming to fuck over Greece, and hero Sullivan Stapleton, whose name sounds like a law firm but he is actually an actor playing hero Themistocles, vows to stop her. Blood flies. Tons of it. Gobs of it. Gallons. This is a film seemingly made by adults that vibes like it was dreamed by my war-obsessed 12-year-old nephew who has not a clue what war and violence entails. Except he’s smarter than this lot and can call bullshit. This is bullshit. D-