Last Vegas (2013)

The pitch for “Last Vegas” must have sounded thusly, “It’s the ‘Hangover,’ but with old people!” But PG-13, of course. Impossible to hate, difficult to love, “Last” stars Michael Douglas, Morgan Freeman, Kevin Kline, and Robert De Niro as life-long pals raised in a sunny, racially-harmonic 1950s Brooklyn straight out of Quebec that reunite decades later after the hot-shot playboy millionaire –- that’s Douglas -– finally decides to marry. The bride is 31 years old. Naturally, the pals fret. So Vegas, lots of booze and gambling, lots of fighting with automatic car doors and cell phones, and lots of wide-eyed stares at the shiny world. Then the quartet throw a raucous bachelor party that attracts the MTV crowd with one big ick moment: A college-aged girl tosses her naked body at Kline’s married horn dog, just hours after she tells him he looks exactly like her granddad. He demurs, but for oral sex, and comes out the hero. The incest remark goes unnoticed. The only reason to watch “Last” -- much like “Stand Up Guys” -– is to see great actors slightly tweak characters they played long ago in far better movies. It’s barely enough. B-

French Kiss (1995)

In "French Kiss," Meg Ryan plays another cutesy, unlucky in love woman who must learn that happiness and life cannot be built upon the approval and existence of a man. She realizes this while roaming around France with a con artist lug (Kevin Kline) who constantly lies to her. She then cashes in her life savings and focuses her entire happiness and life around Kline's borderline criminal/dreamer. Why? Becuase women in romcom films never learn that that first lesson is a lie. Directed by Lawrence Kasdan, this folly makes "You've Got Mail" and "Sleepless in Seattle" seem enlightening, while giving a left hook to feminism. Did Ryan's character even have a job? I hate this movie. Hate. And every stab at independence for women it represents. F