The Lego Movie (2014)

Nearly a week after seeing “The Lego Movie” with my niece and nephew I’m still on a buzzy high of nostalgia for the hundreds of hours I spent playing with the famed building blocks as a child -- especially during those long Philly snow days –- and the endless clever wit and deft satire that filmmakers Phil Lord and Christopher Miller (both of “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs”) bring to this 90-minute blast. 

Face it, this movie could have been a shallow toy ad hawking nonsense, I’m looking at you, “Smurfs.” In a playful trick, though, our story instead spoofs mass-commercialization, all those “The Matrix” knock-offs with the savior complex, “Nineteen Eighty Four,” and the legendary (and outright silly) debate between those who see Legos as high-art engineering tools and young children who just want to mess about and play and not worry about rules or constriction. 

(I will not touch the Fox News controversy over the plot and story. Some folks truly need to not make everything on earth a political target, a bit of scotch in a glass, buy a puppy, smoke some pot, the choices are wide and plenty.) 

Our hero is blank-slate construction worker Emmet (Chris Pratt) who gets swept up in a massive adventure as “The One,” the Neo-like hero who can save Lego humanity from its destruction and the walls that separate metropolises from western towns. 

The twist: Emmet really is just a guy, and a dork at that, perplexing and outright pissing off all the real “heroes” around him, Batman -– in a legendary vocal turn by Will Arnett, a squabbling Superman and Green Lantern (Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill, respectively), and a good lot of heroes from “Harry Potter,” “Lord of the Rings,” and -- most impressive “Star Wars,” all toys that have their own Lego worlds. 

This bit could fall into toy ad here, but it doesn’t: Gandolf and Dumbledore squabble, and Billy Dee Williams (!!) as Lando still is sleazy as ever. (The Millennium Falcon bit alone is worth the price of three admissions.) All these guys could be the hero, but it’s Emmet, following the sage advice of Moses/Morpheus do-gooder prophet Vitruvius (Morgan Freeman) who is finally – finally, we get to see this –- full of shit. 

The beginning is shaky, oddly sudden, and the end -- which smashes open the fourth- and fifth- and sixth-walls may be so daring and “out there,” I’m still wrapping my head around it, but I think I loved it. (I saw it coming, but man curve balls are thrown.) It sure as heck is different than anything I have seen come down the pike.

The visuals are amazing as every frame pops and my 11-year-old nephew reached out countless times to “grab” the screen and the plastic “toys” before him. Visual gags come fast, including entire Lego play sets from my youth, and even the cast knocks their own career, none better than Liam Neeson as a two-faced bad cop with a dangerous Irish accent and a squeaky clean voice on the other side. 

Inside jokes are fast as well: The Lego part numbers get a lot of play, a detail even I had forgotten about. An absolute delight and a real high mark from Warner Bros., especially after the rut of so-so CGI animated fare we have seen from normal kings of the block Pixar and Dreamworks. 

“Lego Movie” is amazing endless fun, and puts children center. It also is one of the rare films that excels at 3-D. See it, guys and gals, now. I plan to again. Without the niece and nephew. Just me and *my* 11-year-old self, the one buried deep inside. Still there. A

Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)

In 2009 when J.J. Abrams rebirthed the “Star Trek” franchise into eyeball-popping entertainment with enough heart to make you weep 5 minutes in, I wondered what he could do with “Star Wars.” So, I got goose bumps watching “Star Trek Into Darkness,” a stellar summer sequel packed with franchise-glory-era political bite that also puts the “alternate reality” roles of Kirk and Spock in full ownership of Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto. But Abrams isn’t afraid to dip back into lore and resurrect ideas and enemies, taking beats we know by heart and spinning them 180 with new blood or a wink. Here, a Starfleet wonder boy named John Harrison (Benedict Cumberbatch, fuckin’ awesome) declares war on his own and, of course, our heroes must stop him. But with Abrams, nothing is simple as –- nerd alert –- Peter “RoboCop” Weller, is the boss in charge. This boasts ego, characters crashing and lifting each other up, American commentary, crippled tech, a self-sacrifice, a perfect cameo, and a madman so … beloved … to us geeks and electrifyingly alive, we want to fall under his spell. What Abrams can do with “Star Wars” has me dizzy with anticipation. A-

Oblivion (2013)

Futuristic thriller “Oblivion” is a surprising effort from Tom Cruise and director/writer Joseph Kosinski for all the wrong reasons: It’s a dud film timed for Earth Day. Every scene, fight, character, and reveal is recycled from better films in my DVD collection. 

Cruise is Jack, a memory-wiped repair guy on a wasted 2077 Earth who looks after massive machinery that provides energy for humanity, now stored up on a spaceship and ready to bolt for distant refuge. Jack is alone but for his monotone (and ginger-haired) companion (Andrea Riseborough) who runs his life. A robot in high heels, her.

“Oblivion” is a knock-out artistically, but it’s also -– in case you haven’t been paying attention -– a nonsensical awful reverse of “Moon,” a new-classic sci-fi films. Yes, Jack meets another Jack. Really. Duncan Jones could sue. Also lazily ripped: “2001,” “Star Wars” and “Independence Day,” among others. No moment of this thriller thrills, it rehash future where reveals land like bricks.

When Cruise’s hero inexplicibly (mind wipe!) recalls a football game, I forgot I like him as an actor. Kosinski made “Tron: Legacy,” another great-looking sci-fi epic stuck in the past. Pattern? C

Vanishing on 7th Street (2011)

Hayden Christensen is on the run in the horror/thriller “Vanishing on 7^th Street.” He runs not from cops or crooks, nor space aliens. He runs from a dark cloud that vaporizes all life that it touches. George Lucas with more “Star Wars” prequel ideas? No. More biblical plaque a la “Exodus.” The Roanoke (N.C.) mystery plays a hand. No matter, director Brad Anderson (“Casper”) never tells us. We’re in Detroit at night when thousands of people disappear during a power outage. Only a tiny handful remain: Christensen’s TV news reporter and some stragglers (Thandie Newton and John Leguizamo) and a child. They bicker, fret, and flee the dark. God is invoked, but the majority of plot is set inside a bar. A church sits down the street. The mystery is a doubled-edged sword that leads to a WTF ending with plot holes wide open: The city falls into absolute blot-out-the-sun dark, but the moon shines bright. How? In horror, details matter. Christensen plays well against an endless void. It’s all uphill after Teen Vadar. B-

Argo (2012)

Ben Affleck’s directing career has hit orbit. “Agro” is the crazy/ genius/brilliant/true tale of CIA agent and the Iranian Hostage crisis of 1979. I was five. “Star Wars” defined me. Thousands of miles away, Iran burned under a sick and violent Islamist dictatorship. Our embassy was rushed by zealots out for blood. Hostages were taken. The world panicked. War considered. A ray of hope unbeknownst to us: Six Americans escaped and hid inside the home of the Canadian ambassador, blind from Iranian grip. (Chris Terrio’s crackling script takes liberties here, as the six were split up. But never mind that.) How to extract the six? Enter CIA agent Chris Mendez (Affleck) and a bold plan: Ferret the group through the main airport as a “Star Wars” rip-off film crew, all under the Iranian Army’s watch. Pumped with tense drama, and dark political and Hollywood humor, “Argo” may be 2012’s best film, gripping and ingenuously played from the start. Affleck as a Hispanic-American is bullocks, but 10 minutes my qualms fell silent.The kicker: Our 2012 is no different, outside of shaggy hair and five channels. “Star Wars” still defines me, our embassies fall to madness, and Iran burns. I love this film.  A

Explorers (1985)

Not sure how I missed “Explorers” upon its release at the height of adventure films starring children, with “Goonies” reigning as king. Joe Dante (“Gremlins”) directs this fantasy about three boys (Ethan Hawke, River Phoenix, and Jason Presson) who create a fantastical bubble that allows them to fly across town and out into space where an alien race awaits. How? Don’t ask. Just dig on the old Atari-level VFX by Industrial Light and Magic. Dante hones in on all things junior high in the “Star Wars”-and NASA-fueled 1985, and it’s a grand memory. Strangely, “Explorers” drags once the trio make first contact, pop culture jokes and finger-wagging lessons repeated ad nauseam. The film could have lost 30 minutes or been made into an episode of “Amazing Stories.” Two hours? No. Presson – who!?! – impresses far beyond Hawke (“Training Day”) and Phoenix (RIP). Watch J.J. Abrams’ “Super 8.” The boy there echoes Presson’s look and character, with an attitude that jumps off the screen. Loved the Charles M. Jones Junior High School joke. “What’s up, Doc?” B-

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole (2010)

“Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole” is one of the best-looking animated tales I have ever seen: Golden hues of sunlight abound, and our owl heroes and villains at the center of this fantasy adventure are computer-animated with such jaw-dropping precision that the details of feathers and the glint of eyes make one stare with childish glee. But “Legend” is a wash, a gorgeous body with an empty soul. The story is based on a series of books, so far be it for me to proclaim this a rip-off of “Star Wars” and “Chronicles of Narnia,” but I’ll do it anyway, as our tale follows two brother owls (Jim Sturgess and Ryan Kwanten on voices) who fall into the clutches of an evil owl queen, with one sibling summiting to her will, and the other escaping to join a heroic rebel alliance. Bonus Lucas points: There’s a wise old warrior owl and an evil metal-masked owl. They duel. For all of director Zack Snyder’s (“300”) visual delights, I was constantly trying to sort out which owl was which, especially during a climatic aerial fight that left me squawking “Hoo?” “Hoo?” “Who!?!” Thankfully not out loud. C+

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 (2011)

And then there were none. “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2” closes out 10 years of eight (7.5?) blockbuster films, and some 15 years of beloved books that will forever mark a new timeline in the world of fantasy. Call it, “B.R.” Before J.K. Rowling, the mother, creator and god of Harry Potter and his world of a school of magic, Muggles and a force of evil known as You Know Who, Voldermort. Without her, Tolkein’s “Lord of the Rings” likely would never have been filmed. That’s a fact. And while this doesn’t have Peter Jackson leading the charge to The End, it’s a blast of a film, a movie that finally boils down to Harry Potter taking on Lord Voldermort. Wand against wand, nothing else matters. I dug it. Not fully, but well enough.

Praising this film makes me a bit of a hypocrite. I harrumphed loudly when it was announced Rowling’s doorstopper “Deathly Hallows” book would be split into two films. If “East of Eden” could be cut down to one film so can this, I said. I compared “Part 1” to an overlong Set-Up Episode of “LOST” that cut the build-up off “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.”

And, now, here I am wishing there was more to this film: Major characters die off screen and any impact from their demises is shredded with a “When did that happen?” gasp, and veteran characters, and the actors playing the roles, are reduced to mere sideways glances from the camera. Emma Thompson, as a wildly odd teacher, may have just kept her car running during her split-second scene. Jim Broadbent, as a guy named Slughorn who was at the center of “Half-Blood” barely does more. I’m still not certain how Hagrid (Robbie Coltrane) ended up where he does. I may never know.

“Part 2” picks up directly after “Part 1” as our trio of young magical heroes – Harry (Daniel Radcliffe), Hermione (Emma Watson) and Ron (Rupert Grint) – continue to track down and destroy a series of Horcruxes, objects that hold chunks of the soul of evil Lord Voldermort (Ralph Fiennes). Kill the soul bits, kill the Evil Lord, as the Potter logic goes. They mourn the death of house elf Dudley, and set on their next tasks: A daring break-in to a magical bank – with Hermione in disguise as the wretched witch Bellatrix Lestrange. Helena Bonham Carter could be should be up for an Oscar just by playing Watson playing Hermione playing Lestrange, the whole scene is a standout among the series’ 1,000-odd massive minutes. Seriously.

From there, on the back of a dragon and a few side detours, we end where all the magic began, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The final confrontation plays out for an hour as Voldermort and his million minions bust in to kill Harry Potter, and take over Magicland and Muggleland alike. (The latter is the not-so-nice word people here use for regular folks such as me and you.) The pace is fast, walls crash down, fires rage, and, yes, people fall. (I did not weep, sorry.) There’s also great helpings of Rowling’s humor, such as when Ron and Hermione share a fast hot kiss after a dramatic moment, then giggle like school kids.

It’s an amazing trek the child actors have taken, from awkward little cherubs (all the more adorable for it) in “…The Sorcerer’s Stone” in 2001 to young adults here, standing in control against film gods such as Fiennes, Carter, Maggie Smith, Alan Rickman, David Thewlis and Gary Oldman. Fiennes walks away with the film, snarly and eyes flaming, he digs into Voldermort with all the power of a great actor kept backstage until the final blowout. The man loved this part, one can tell. He’s every bad guy George Lucas ever created, rolled into one gnarly bald-headed freak, and without repentance. And Radcliffe throws back, giving it his all, just as Harry does in the book. How cool is that?

Is “Part 2” the best one could help for? Maybe. So much happens off screen, you can’t help but notice the missing scenes, and I wish director David Yates and screenwriter Steve Kloves had cut more from the previous film to give this last segment more life. Certainly more Snape, and less blah blah blah about Snape. But that’s a complaint of the Rowling book, more likely. Catch up on your Potters, and jump fast into this film in theaters. For some of us, they are mostly ace fantasy films with great actors, for others, college students, it’s their entire lives. The “Star Wars” of their lifetimes. (Quick poll: The epilogue: Eh or Yah? Me, I can't decide.) B+

Star Trek (2009)

The new "Star Trek" is historic cinema. Not only is it ingenuous reboot film-making from the mind of J.J. Abrams (TV's "Lost"), but it dares to pull the ultimate hat-trick. Through a time-traveling, history-changing event, this film doesn't just go back and tell us the origins of beloved Enterprise crew from the 1960s TV show and 1980s films. It spins off a whole new alternate reality with the same characters, but with different ticks, emotions and pasts plastered onto each soul.

It's a "reboot" that doesn't have the whiff of re-cooked ham. Thank the film gods.

The set-up: A time-screwing Romulan (Eric Bana in full bad-ass mode) travels back in time to kill James T. Kirk's father and decimate Spock's home plant of Vulcan. Boom. What we knew from dozens of shows and six or so films is still in place; it happened. This is new territory. Kirk (Chris Pine) is now an orphan rebel seemingly hell-bent on dying young, Spock (Zachary Quinto) is infused with new untapped emotion (yes, emotion) as he watches his mother plunge to her death and his home planet implode.

Yes, the buzzing art direction and fast editing of the film is different from any "Trek" before it. Again, thank the film gods. It's all for the better, because the old franchise had grown stale, stuffy and self-righteous, the cinematic equivalent of the Republican Party. And yet here, characters and the relationships still are at the forefront, the best assets of the "Trek" films.

I can't think of a better scene in a "Trek" film than here: Just after Vulcan is destroyed, and the young Uhura (Zoe Saldana) chases after Spock, and hugs and kisses him in an elevator, hoping to get any response from him, and to comfort him. On the surface, Spock doesn't respond. Pure Vulcan. The camera then hones in on his eyes, and Spock explodes (oh so quietly) on screen like never before. Quinto (TV's "Heroes") is a movie star. Runner-up: A heroic suicide that brings back memories of a great moment in "Lost" - the drowning of Charlie.

The question that must be asked: Would anyone still respect the now-crap "Star Wars" franchise if George Lucas had handed his tired ass franchise off to a wild card dealer such as Abrams? Hell, yes. "Star Trek" is back, and will life long and prosper. "Star Wars"? Umm. That was a long, long time ago. Having nearly slept through "Star Trek V: We Even Made God Boring" in the theater, I can't believe I just wrote that. A-

The "Star Wars" Trilogy (1977-1983)

These are my takes on the original versions, not the re-tooled versions, of the original and only trilogy. To use a terrible and unnecessary phrase, "Fuck them." Sorry, I said it. (There was a prequel trilogy, what?)

My childhood defined in a single film. "Star Wars." The 1977 science fiction master of all blockbusters is too deep within my DNA to mock, dismiss, or patronize. It is a religion to me. No, correct that, it is religion to me. Period. Untold hours of play and imagination, simply staring at the poster of the film. That said, this saga about an elderly warrior (Alec Guinness) and his young apprentice (Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker) joining ... Oh, who am I kidding? Everyone knows this film. Onto the end: George Lucas re-made cinema and movies with this imaginative fun thrill ride, and I love it. In two hours he created a universe that exists in this geek's head as real as his hometown of Philly and his grandmother's house of cakes. But, boy, Lucas can't write a lick, and the acting is too uneven to ignore. "I have a bad feeling about this" can be (and maybe is) a drinking game. The grade is too high, for real. But I don't care. This is a great, mind-blowing film, just the desert town scenes alone, I drool, I dream, I love ... A+

"The Empire Strikes Back" is where George Lucas got smart and out-sourced. The sequel is not only the highlight of the series, but quite possibly one of the greatest fantasy films ever made. Hands down. It goes dark and deep, and yes, funny, as a wounded Luke (Mark Hamill) furthers his training under the wise and mysterious Yoda, and Han Solo (Harrison Ford) and Leigh (Carrie Fisher) meet the Dark Side in the clouds. The climax is a dizzying emotional and action powder keg as Luke learns who is daddy is, and Ford delivers the absolute perfect non-romantic romantic line of all time in the face of possible death. Seriously, the carbon freezing scene and "I know" literally is my favorite film scene ever, topped only by a breaking-bad Michael Corleone. And God bless John Williams. His score here is perfect, especially during the ugly scenes. Who's your daddy?, for sure. It's all so perfectly thrilling, I never want it to end. A+

"The Return of the Jedi" easily is the weak link in the trilogy's chain, yet one of the most thrilling moments of my young movie-going life. The film is book-ended by a fantastic Empire-centered opening then a fight in the desert between our heroes and a slimy wormy gangster named Jabba (start) and a rock solid, violent clash between Luke and Darth Vadar, plus a kick-ass space battle (end). In the middle are the Ewoks. Don't like the Ewoks? I ... know. It's easy to see what Lucas was going for: A Tolkein-like morality tale where the least of warriors (Tolkein had Hobbits, Lucas has midgets and children in cheap bear outfits) bring down the mightiest of fiendish rulers. It's a lame ass kid movie move to douse the dark heart at the center of the film, and the Ewoks do look like silly MiniMes of Wookies, but what was the alternative, an obvious Wookie battle? (OK, I want that.) Yet, I love most of this, the forest chase, that final fight, and by God I still have nightmares about the ugly desert mouth pit, and I was 9 when I saw this. The vaporish gas coming off Vadar's unmasked face, brilliant. Kills the flaws.  B+

P.S. When will Lucas make a new film? Y'know, an original film?

Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008)

"Star Wars: The Clone Wars" is not as bad as I thought it would be, having read countless shattering reviews on this umpteenth film in George Lucas' endless universe. It's just a mere dud, rather than a full disaster. This is surprising as Lucas finally has what he's always wanted after 30 years of making the same movie over and over: No actors to muck things up.

This relatively short (90 minutes) chapter is fully animated (with dull voice talent) and appears to take place sometime during or near the events of "Star Wars: Episode II: Attack of the Clones." Here, Anakin Skywalker -- the future Darth Vadar -- and Obi-Wan Kenobi battle to save the kidnapped son of Jabba the Hut from the future Empire. It's a straight forward plot for a children's film, with some really slick action scenes and space battles that rekindle memories of the series' best moments.

Too bad the animation makes nearly every human or creature into a flat-as-sheetrock being less engaging than the purposefully bad animation in, say, "South Park." Mouth movements are awkward, eyes lack any spark of actual life, and Jabba the Hut is strangely geometric rather than slithering and slimy. Oh, and Anakin is referred to as "Sky Guy" throughout. Why I can't say. An added negative: If anyone thought Jar Jar Binks was an offensive portrayal of African-Americans in the recent "new" trilogy, they ought to see Jabba's nightclub-owning uncle. It is the meanest caricature of homosexuality since the "Police Academy" films ruled the box office. Fanboy students at Bob Jones and Liberty universities, and Klan members, will surely like it. All else will shudder.

Lucas, who truly ought to find a new hobby, executive produces here, having handed the directing reigns to Dave Filoni. The switch off helps marginally. Please, George, retire already! Oh, this is all to be a TV series, which probably will be worse. C-