The Internship (2013)

Even if you haven’t seen “The Internship,” you’ve seen it. Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson reprise their tired roles as the 40-year-old past-cool frat boys from a dozen prior movies. You know the map: The best-pal guys are cool king cats who get blown low, mope, find a crazy angle to hit it big, and against all odds succeed and learn to be real adults. Credits. Nothing new. Even the fuck granny jokes play like repeats a decade old. But, damn it, I laughed when these guys con their way into gigs as Google interns, competing against tech geeks half their age and double their IQ. I got suckered. The hook: Vaughn and Wilson are roped into a Quidditch match, the actual field game inspired by Harry Potter and played by thousands of college youth. “Who the fuck is that?,” Wilson asks, dumb founded as a man in a glittery gold outfit takes the grass. It’s a comedy of generational divide, yes, repetitive, yes, and definitely too long, but I got it. I work on a college campus, where students play Quidditch, and I knew what Wilson spoke of. B

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013)

The God Boy Wonder returns in “Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters,” a dead-in-the-water sequel to 2010’s “The Lightning Thief.” Directed by a fella named Thor Freudenthal -– how quaint -– “Percy” again strives to be “Harry Potter: The Second Coming.” It is not. That series popped with magic of the fantastic and discovery and love. Fake from the start, “Monsters” makes its cast of interchangeable hunks and babes shout crap like “This is so cool!” as if they were children in a flashy toy ad. Who are they trying to convince? Plot: Percy (Logan Lerman) and his two godly BFFs must find the Golden Fleece -- recalling “Jason and the Argonauts” -– to save their campground school, all against much nonsense about a mysterious Half Prince. (Can Harry Potter sue?) The crushing failure of “Sea”: The entire adult cast of the film one -– Pierce Brosnan and Sean Bean among them -– are gone. Did they smartly ditch? Were they dumped to save money? Poor Stanley Tucci appears, looking as if wondered in from “Hunger Games” by error. Look, if one wishes to rip-off a top-notch franchise, fine. But give it effort. Try. This is just laziness. D-

The Woman in Black (2012)

Voldermort would shit his robe. In “The Woman in Black,” Harry Potter himself Daniel Radcliffe is an early 1900s widowed father/ greenish solicitor sent on a miserable errand: Close out the estate of an old woman who left behind a decrepit English mansion and “Hoarders”-worthy piles of papers. How very Jonathan Harker. Eel Marsh House (!) is built on high land regularly made an island during high-tide, set apart from a town where our hero learns much quickly: He is not welcomed, every parent has lost a child, and the manor is full of vile noises and visions. This is an old–school haunted-house yarn, based not on a book written by Poe, but one certainly written with the old master in mind. Radcliffe does well playing a young man raised to believe in God, but not ghosts, and stricken to see much of the latter, but never the former. Director James Watkins has washed out almost all color and light, so any bright signs must not be trusted. The house moans, shadows creep, and ghostly faces appear out of thin air, making the audience jump and scream, and then laugh. A-

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 (2011)

And then there were none. “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2” closes out 10 years of eight (7.5?) blockbuster films, and some 15 years of beloved books that will forever mark a new timeline in the world of fantasy. Call it, “B.R.” Before J.K. Rowling, the mother, creator and god of Harry Potter and his world of a school of magic, Muggles and a force of evil known as You Know Who, Voldermort. Without her, Tolkein’s “Lord of the Rings” likely would never have been filmed. That’s a fact. And while this doesn’t have Peter Jackson leading the charge to The End, it’s a blast of a film, a movie that finally boils down to Harry Potter taking on Lord Voldermort. Wand against wand, nothing else matters. I dug it. Not fully, but well enough.

Praising this film makes me a bit of a hypocrite. I harrumphed loudly when it was announced Rowling’s doorstopper “Deathly Hallows” book would be split into two films. If “East of Eden” could be cut down to one film so can this, I said. I compared “Part 1” to an overlong Set-Up Episode of “LOST” that cut the build-up off “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.”

And, now, here I am wishing there was more to this film: Major characters die off screen and any impact from their demises is shredded with a “When did that happen?” gasp, and veteran characters, and the actors playing the roles, are reduced to mere sideways glances from the camera. Emma Thompson, as a wildly odd teacher, may have just kept her car running during her split-second scene. Jim Broadbent, as a guy named Slughorn who was at the center of “Half-Blood” barely does more. I’m still not certain how Hagrid (Robbie Coltrane) ended up where he does. I may never know.

“Part 2” picks up directly after “Part 1” as our trio of young magical heroes – Harry (Daniel Radcliffe), Hermione (Emma Watson) and Ron (Rupert Grint) – continue to track down and destroy a series of Horcruxes, objects that hold chunks of the soul of evil Lord Voldermort (Ralph Fiennes). Kill the soul bits, kill the Evil Lord, as the Potter logic goes. They mourn the death of house elf Dudley, and set on their next tasks: A daring break-in to a magical bank – with Hermione in disguise as the wretched witch Bellatrix Lestrange. Helena Bonham Carter could be should be up for an Oscar just by playing Watson playing Hermione playing Lestrange, the whole scene is a standout among the series’ 1,000-odd massive minutes. Seriously.

From there, on the back of a dragon and a few side detours, we end where all the magic began, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The final confrontation plays out for an hour as Voldermort and his million minions bust in to kill Harry Potter, and take over Magicland and Muggleland alike. (The latter is the not-so-nice word people here use for regular folks such as me and you.) The pace is fast, walls crash down, fires rage, and, yes, people fall. (I did not weep, sorry.) There’s also great helpings of Rowling’s humor, such as when Ron and Hermione share a fast hot kiss after a dramatic moment, then giggle like school kids.

It’s an amazing trek the child actors have taken, from awkward little cherubs (all the more adorable for it) in “…The Sorcerer’s Stone” in 2001 to young adults here, standing in control against film gods such as Fiennes, Carter, Maggie Smith, Alan Rickman, David Thewlis and Gary Oldman. Fiennes walks away with the film, snarly and eyes flaming, he digs into Voldermort with all the power of a great actor kept backstage until the final blowout. The man loved this part, one can tell. He’s every bad guy George Lucas ever created, rolled into one gnarly bald-headed freak, and without repentance. And Radcliffe throws back, giving it his all, just as Harry does in the book. How cool is that?

Is “Part 2” the best one could help for? Maybe. So much happens off screen, you can’t help but notice the missing scenes, and I wish director David Yates and screenwriter Steve Kloves had cut more from the previous film to give this last segment more life. Certainly more Snape, and less blah blah blah about Snape. But that’s a complaint of the Rowling book, more likely. Catch up on your Potters, and jump fast into this film in theaters. For some of us, they are mostly ace fantasy films with great actors, for others, college students, it’s their entire lives. The “Star Wars” of their lifetimes. (Quick poll: The epilogue: Eh or Yah? Me, I can't decide.) B+

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2010)

“The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader” is No. 3 in the seven-book series by Christian writer C.S. Lewis. I only read Book 1, “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.” So, I shall not judge Mr. Lewis. I do know “Prince Caspian” was cinema dullness except for a cameo by Tilda Swinton, who rocked the first film as the temptress White Witch. She returns here for mere seconds as menacing smoke. (Also absent: Every actor of any merit.) “Treader” gives us the same plot as before at half-pace as two of the four Pevensie siblings (Georgie Henley and Skandar Kynes) are again zapped from war-torn England to Narnia for swashbuckling action on an old ship. The youngsters’ mission here involves a mysterious island and a smoke monster absolutely not meant to invoke “LOST,” but rather sin itself. “Dawn” smartly plays at the young audience Lewis was going after. It’s goofy fun and better than the recent “Harry Potter” dose of moodiness. Lessons of morality abound. There is a “Ghostbusters” reference so hilarious, it can’t be unintentional. B

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, Part 1 (2010)

I was a rabid, wild fan of “LOST.” The TV show about crashed survivors trapped on a mysterious island was brilliant, fascinating, maddening and not a little frustrating. The most grating aspect of the show, though, was The Set-Up Episode. Every year, the drama’s momentum would stop dead as the writers struggled to move the myriad of characters to some exact point for no other reason than doing so helped set-up a big season finale shocker. Nothing of substance occurred. Not a “LOST” fan? How’s this for an analogy: Ever watch a choir or symphony enter and stumble around a stage, finding their assigned spots, and sit there thinking, “Get on with it!”

That’s “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, Part 1,” a 2-hour, 30-minute, set-up episode for … you guessed it, “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, Part 2.” How long will that film be? I read all the books by J.K. Rowling, and the series as a whole is brilliant, fascinating, maddening and not a little frustrating, and also wildly funny and satirical. Reading that final book, though, I slogged through a dreary and stretched-out opening. I kept thinking, “Get on with it.”

The action, if you want to call it action, in print and here consists of nothing but moving people in place. Ad nauseam. Rowling needed a harsh editor, and so does this film. If masterpiece novels such as “East of Eden” and “Dr. Zhivago” can be successfully cut to manageable film size, so can this. But Warner Bros. is quite happy to make $40 per couple rather than $20. That’s not magic.

Now I’ll get on with it, before this review runs 2 hours 30 minutes. In this 7.0 chapter, our young magical heroes – Harry (Daniel Radcliffe), Hermione (Emma Watson) and Ron (Rupert Grint) – are on the run. Or, rather, they are on the chase of a series of Horcruxes, objects that hold chunks of the soul of evil Lord Voldermort (Ralph Fiennes). Destroying the objects destroys Voldermort. (Have no idea what I’m talking about? These plots need flow charts to follow.)

The trio spends most of this chase not chasing, but hiding in a tent in either desolate woods, on a desolate beach and … yards away from the world’s most desolate trailer park not in Mississippi. As Rowling did, director David Yates and screenwriter Steve Kloves stretch out this wait camp for a good hour or more, when 20 minutes would do. When these young adults are not pondering and fretting what to do, they mourn their dead mentor Dumbledore (Michael Gambon). Then they wait some more.

This is the weakest of the “Potter” films, plot and momentum wise, but it’s not bad. Magic abounds. The cinematography by Eduardo Serra (“Defiance”) may be the best looking of the series, and the three leads carry their large portion of the film with great ease. The best is Watson, who nails the frustration of not just the Voldermort predicament, but also surviving the emotional roller coaster and sometimes childish ways teenagers act toward one another as they approach adulthood, and (hopefully) wise up. I’m still not sure about Grint, who could out pout any single character from (dare I say it?) “Twilight.” But that’s how poor Ron is written. Radcliffe is a growing star.

The best chunk by far: A short section of “Hollows” is dedicated to a tale of three brothers who challenge Death himself. Yates uses a wondrous Asian-ink-inspired animation that is a marvel to watch. It’s also scarier and more direct than any other scene in this “wait for it” installment.

Film watched, I now wait for “Part 7.5,” the finale. Bring it on and do it quickly. I hate waiting. B-

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)

It’s no real shocker that “Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince” ties with the third film of the Harry Potter film franchise (“The Prisoner of Azkaban”) as my favorite. When Book 6 – as fans calls it – came out in 2005, I found it to be the giddiest read I had in ages. It was stocked with magic, suspense, action and a tragic finale. It’s my favorite book of the series, a hallmark by author J.K. Rowling, and I’ll get to why in just a minute.

So even if the film version lacks the book’s overall power -- a final attack by the villainous Death Easters on the beloved Hogwarts School of Magic was excised -- it’s still damn fine cinema. If you don’t know the characters or the main plot thread of the unimaginably successful series of imaginative books, chances are you’re not reading this review. So you won’t get a lot of background here.

As the film opens, Harry Potter (Daniel Radcliffe) and best friends Ron (Rupert Grint) and Hermione (Emma Watson) are reeling from the events of “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.” The evil Lord Voldermort (Ralph Fiennes, seen only in a flashback) has returned to again rid the world of human kind. Dumbledore, the head master of Hogwarts and Harry’s grandfather figure, takes our young hero to a home occupied by retired school teacher Horace Slughorn (Jim Broadbent), a fumbling, haunted man who clings to fame with dug in fingernails. Harry’s famous, so Slughorn latches on fast. Dumbledore knows this. He wants a memory from Slughorn that can spell out unknown mysteries of Voldermort. Harry’s the man for the task.

Meanwhile, the previously under-utilized bad apple Draco Malfoy (Tom Felton) is sent on a dark mission of his own. Unlike Harry, if Malfoy fails in his task, it spells his certain doom. Seemingly helping him is Severus Snape, the greasy black mop-headed professor of dark arts played by Alan Rickman (“Die Hard”). Rickman is so good it gives. One. Goosebumps. Every. Time. He’s. On. Screen. (Rickman clips his words like William Shatner only wishes he could.)

Yet the giddy, side-busting genius of Rowling’s book -- and the film -- is the whole dark, brooding drama is a sideshow to the real trauma of the moment – teen love. In the slyest satire since “Independence Day” (it’s a comedy people, end of discussion), Rowling has her teen heroes act as true high schoolers. Nothing, not life, or death, or the end of existence is as important as finding your soul mate for life. At 16. Snogging is heaven, not snogging (or not snogging with the girl/guy of your dreams) is worse than death. The film is a laugh riot, especially when you watch real teens get caught up in the action, as if it matters. The comedy highlight of the film is Jessie Cave as Lavender Brown, a girl so in love with love, it’s dizzying. Frightening girls like this exist the world over, and I know some in their twenties. Scary.

Director David Yates, in his second film after “Order,” mostly avoids special effects here. The focus instead is on the acting and characters - between Michael Gambon’s Dumbledore as he reluctantly puts Harry in harm’s way, and Rickman’s Snape as he follows the orders of dark and good. All of the teens keep getting better from film to film. But it’s Broadbent who steals the show as a man whose soul has nothing left but regret. The film too, looks like no other in the series. It looks magical, a found relic. Even the lighting is other worldly, some of coming from impossible angles. The credit here belongs to cinematographer Bruno Delbonnel, who has shot mostly French art hose films such as “Amelie.” That was a magical film, and it carries over here.

If there’s any negative here, besides that missing attack scene at the end, it’s the fact that the film’s studio, Warner Bros., has decided to split the final Harry Potter book, “The Deathly Hollows,” into two films. “Half-Blood Prince” the book was a brilliant pause before the big finale. The film also should have been just that. But now it’s relegated, almost tossed off, as just one more kink in the chain. It hurts the film. We have, what, four more hours, maybe five, to go before the end? It’s time to wrap this up.

If Warner can make “East of Eden” (1955) into a two-hour film, they sure as heck can boil Book 7 into a 2 hour, 30 minute, film. Rowling is brilliant, bloody brilliant, but she is no Steinbeck. Nonetheless, this installment gets an B+