Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013)

The God Boy Wonder returns in “Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters,” a dead-in-the-water sequel to 2010’s “The Lightning Thief.” Directed by a fella named Thor Freudenthal -– how quaint -– “Percy” again strives to be “Harry Potter: The Second Coming.” It is not. That series popped with magic of the fantastic and discovery and love. Fake from the start, “Monsters” makes its cast of interchangeable hunks and babes shout crap like “This is so cool!” as if they were children in a flashy toy ad. Who are they trying to convince? Plot: Percy (Logan Lerman) and his two godly BFFs must find the Golden Fleece -- recalling “Jason and the Argonauts” -– to save their campground school, all against much nonsense about a mysterious Half Prince. (Can Harry Potter sue?) The crushing failure of “Sea”: The entire adult cast of the film one -– Pierce Brosnan and Sean Bean among them -– are gone. Did they smartly ditch? Were they dumped to save money? Poor Stanley Tucci appears, looking as if wondered in from “Hunger Games” by error. Look, if one wishes to rip-off a top-notch franchise, fine. But give it effort. Try. This is just laziness. D-

Jack the Giant Slayer (2013)

Fairy tales are always ripe for reinterpretation, and director Bryan Singer (“X-Men”) does that and openly plays with the notion of scrambling legends in “Jack the Giant Slayer.” 

That’s the new film about the beanstalk kid with the piss-poor mom, the cow, and the beans, all busied up with one giant eye (sorry) on “Lord of the Rings” and the Hollywood obsession of turning every adventure story into a war epic. 

Nicholas Holt is Jack, who lives with his uncle and stupidly trades a horse (changes!) for magic beans which lead him and a princess (Elanor Tomlinson) to the land of giants. Rescues by Jack abound because even now the princess still must be helpless. Pfft. P.S. No golden eggs here. 

“Jack” endured a tortuous production and a recent title change, and the troubles show: The giants are dodgy CGI creatures passable 10 years ago. Ewan McGregor as a valiant hero is a hoot, and Stanley Tucci as the villain has fun with bad teeth. 

But two game actors and the often witty dialogue can’t keep this “Giant” from getting cut off at the knees. Also, bless his heart, but I bet Holt has never even visited a farm. C+

The Core (2003)

“The Core” is an End of the World Thriller that had me screaming “Burn, baby, burn!” Every minute in this John Amiel-directed film is a bust, making the similar but thoroughly watchable “2012” seem like high art. The film’s most mind-numbing scene has the sun’s microwave heat melting the entire San Francisco Bay Bridge, but only giving the living motorists below sunburn. But that’s just bad science, and this is the place of miracles. Case in point: Aaron Eckhart is made haggard, dull and whiny, while every bit of intelligence that embodies Hilary Swank is erased. Stanley Tucci fares worse as the egomaniac physicist whose shadiness is best demonstrated by his wet-noodle wrist. (Homophobic? You bet.) The badness of the scenes where our heroes endlessly bicker like spoiled children are bottomed only by the ones in which they mourn and weep over one another, but truly appear like they could give a crap. At one point Tucci’s doomed academic sighs, “What the fuck am I doing?” I imagine it’s a phrase the cast often spoke. D-

The Lovely Bones (2009)

I’ve not read the wildly popular book “The Lovely Bones.” So I entered this Peter Jackson adaptation aware only of the plot: 14-year-old Susie Salmon (Saoirse Ronan) is murdered in 1973 by a neighbor (Stanley Tucci) and watches from her own fantastical mini-heaven as her family (parented by Mark Wahlberg and Rachel Weisz) grieves. Oscar winner? Not. The problems come quick: Jackson references “The Lord of the Rings” in a bookstore ad, and it’s just one hint of a director obsessed with his own past. To wit: In Susie’s heaven, we are served a “Heavenly Creatures” redux, but cloying and over-stuffed with CGI dancing penguins. The fantasy puff overwhelms the drama. In heavy makeup, Tucci is the most generic child murderer I’ve ever seen on screen: Bad blond comb over. Giant "I kill" eye glasses. Loner. Openly glares as teenage girls pass by. He builds doll houses. Doll houses! The guy would flag crazy in 1973, 2003 or 1773. Worse, his denouncement is bizarrely supernatural, tasked by Susie’s spirit? God? Only the performances gel, with Ronan proving “Atonement” was no fluke. Weisz shines, always. Tucci menaces, but all in one key. Only Wahlberg falls short. Surely the book must be better than this. C+