Winter’s Tale (2014)

“Winter’s Tale” is brain-killing romantic tripe with late-30s Colin Farrell as a 20-year-old (!!) street crook who falls for a young rich girl played by “Downton Abbey”’s Jessica Brown Findlay, the latter who dies of consumption in 1915. Add in time travel, a flying white horse, Russell Crowe -- awful, just awful -- as a demon with a gang of union thugs, Will Smith -- career worst awful -- as the most awkward hip-hop Satan ever, stars (as in suns, not actors) that are really souls of people, a magical princess bed that cures –- I shit you not -– little girl cancer, and none of that fuck-all mind-blow high-on-crack shit is as unbelievable as a 115-year-old NYC metro paper publisher paling around with a world famous food critic, both employed at newspapers in 2014. Shit. Really. Akavia Goldsman writes and directs, with all the talent of his “Batman and Robin” and “Avengers,” the 1998 Brit version. The ever-growing, Oscar-winning mediocre “Beautiful Mind,” making mental illness into spy game fun, seems his high point. D-

Enemy of the State (1998)

When I saw “Enemy of the State” in 1998 I loved it as a shockingly smart, electric child to the 1974 classic thriller “The Conversation.” Will Smith here plays a D.C. lawyer trapped in an impossible conspiracy involving the National Security Agency, portrayed as a power-mad and secret-crazed demon of data collection, snooping, and illegal spying, with anyone in its way, hunted for  life or left for dead. “There’s no such thing as privacy,” one character says. Director Tony Scott (RIP) and his writers must have seen the future. This is our reality. Our now. The NSA owns us. We willingly gave ourselves over. Now, the great cinematic trick: When Smith’s lawyer – arrogant, a cheater, way too assured of himself – falls hard, his only savior is an ex-snoop played by Gene Hackman, who played an expert snooper in “Conversation.” The casting is genius. Smart. Instant built-in background. The character names may be different, but the faces match. Fast paced with crackling dialogue and action, I once got a giddy charge out of nerds at computers handed the power of America. Now I see it as evil truth. Name one other film more precognisant. A

After Earth (2013)

“After Earth” must be mocked. How else to react to a sci-fi survivalist tale from once-great director/writer M. Night Shyamalan that is set on a desolated/abandoned future Earth, but one that looks like a commercial for a tropical adventure? (Cities? There are none.) This is absolute unintended comedy, a wonder of miscalculation. Despite MNS’s name, Will Smith is the man in charge as producer and story creator, and it isn’t even his vehicle. The star is Smith’s teenage son Jaden, who had better luck and better support in pop’s “Pursuit of Happyness” and the recent “Karate Kid” remake. The syrupy story has a “Great Santini” father (Will) and his green horn son (Jaden) all angry dinner scowls and then later crashing their space shuttle on said Earth. Naturally, the duo must bond as son serves as the “avatar” hero of his father, whose legs are shattered. Also in the shuttle and now loose on Earth because no space cliché can go untouched: A slimy monster that eats people. I can take hodge-podge films that wink at their theft, but “Earth” is blindly, awkwardly convinced of its own “inspirational” Hallmark gruel. It's just gruel. Younger Smith looks miserable. C-

Men in Black 3 (2012)

All time travel plots defy logic: If you go back in time to kill Hitler as a child, the absence of an adult Hitler will negate the need to jump back, which means Hitler will rise. But we still love the idea, right? “Men in Black 3” adds a time travel trick hat to its black suits, ties and sunglasses, and the effort further tarnishes the first outing about top secret agents K (Tommy Lee Jones) and J (Will Smith) and a secret police force that patrols alien life on Earth. Here, an old nemesis of K’s jumps back to 1969 to kill him as part of an elaborate revenge tactic. In present day NYC, Agent K is dead 43 years, and only J inexplicably remembers him. So back J goes to save K. Ill-conceived from first frame to last, nothing makes sense, not even on the wide girth of a summer flick about aliens, ray guns, Andy Warhol, and moon prisons. The chemistry between Smith and Jones is shit, derailed by Jones’ pained disinterest. Huge props to Josh Brolin as a young K, nailing a TLJ impression so dead-on it deserves its own film, not this crap sequel. C+

Men in Black (1997)

I love “Men in Black.” To think it once was going to star Clint Eastwood and Chris O’Donnell. Thank God for Tommy Lee Jones and Will Smith. Jones is K, an agent for a secret government organization that is like Department of Immigration for outer space arrivals. K’s mission: Keep the aliens a secret from us human saps. Smith is J, a plains clothes street cop who ends up working for K. The plot has Smith as a surrogate “us,” seeing a whacky world that’s been all around us, but just out of sight until now. Our Men in Black have to stop the world from going asunder, and their enemy is a bug-infested famer whose body was smashed flat so he drags himself around with tics and hiccups. He’s played by Vincent D’Onofrio in an endlessly funny and Oscar-worthy performance. Director Barry Sonnenfeld makes the talking dogs, one-liners and the climactic joke about the N.Y. fair grounds seem effortless and perfectly sensible. Rick Baker designed the unique aliens. Smith and Jones -- I love their surnames here -- play like a father-and-son comedy team, having a blast. Even Jones smiles. A

Hancock (2008)

"Hancock" is a surprising disappoint for what it offers: Superstar Will Smith playing a disgruntled, ornery superhero in LA.

How perfect is that idea? Spider-Man, Iron Man and the Hulk are great guys or potentially great guys who get zapped, bitten, blasted or whatever'ed and do the right thing. Automatically. But what if the would-be hero doesn't give a crap? Or worse yet, makes matters worse when he does try and do good? (Hancock causes more havoc by saving a PR geek played by Jason Bateman from an on-coming train than if he just let the sap die.)

But this Peter Berg-directed sci-fi pic never delivers. The failure is not only because a major plot twist involving the PR guy's wife is obvious just by the name of the actress (Charlize Theron), but by the inclusion of dull as dirt villains and a murky climax set in a hospital. Snoozeville awaits.

The motive for the trio of villains is too juvenile for words: Hancock stopped one of the guys from robbing a bank, and the other two ... well, he shoved one's head up the other's ass. And we get to see that. I bet any fourth grade creative writing class could do better.

It's a shame because Hancock's introduction to moral choices, showers, fine dining, and the correct way to take off and land, and not destroy half the city by accident, all are standout entertainment. A sequel apparently is in the works, and it could well be worthwhile. This first installment is only half a film looking for a worthy conclusion. I hope it's realized. C+

I am Legend (2007)

An otherwise excellent Will Smith is Dr. Robert Neville, the "hero" of the sci-fi actioner "I am Legend." Neville shows big cracks in his psyche early as the lone survivor of a mass epidemic that swept Earth, killing nearly everyone. He talks to store mannequins. Literally. Full conversations. His only companion is a dog, named Sam, given to him by his daughter before she died years earlier. These scenes of his crumbling mind are the best of this flick, directed by Francis Lawrence (who helmed "Constantine"). The only good thing, really. The film dies when vampire-like creatures -- once people -- appear. The creatures seem far too CGI for even an animated dud like "Beowulf." With that, any threat or suspense falls flat. Plus, the film wusses out on the book's stellar damning of this man who jumps ethics like curbs. This is a soggy, yippee-ki-yay-America bore ruined by Hollywood suits. Crap. C-