Hercules (2014)

Some sons of god can’t catch a break. Despite his name and rep, Hercules – son of Zeus – is weak on film. Twice in a row. Early in 2014 we got SyFy-worthy “Legend of Hercules,” a bargain-bin film that underwhelmed even the lowest expectation. Now I finally caught “Hercules” – starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and boasting Brett Ratner (“X-Men 3”) at the helm with a $100+ million budget – and it also is a resoundingly limp flick. Ugly CGI, flat characters, a pedestrian plot that makes H into a human mercenary with a heart of gold (boring!) but the brains of a dumb puppy, I sat stupefied that adults made this film. A hammy John Hurt –- the only reason to watch -- gets to scream, “Release the wolves!” Ratner and his crap writers want us to think Kraken, “Clash of the Titans,” I thought Hounds, “The Simpsons.” D

G.I. Joe: Retaliation (2013)

“G.I. Joe: Retaliation” outpaces the first installment of the toy-inspired franchise about an elite force of American soldiers dedicated to fighting uber-terrorist group Cobra, the latter obsessed with snake puns and world domination. Mind you, “G.I. Joe:Rise of Cobra” was an awful take on the 1980s comics/cartoon, mangling characters, adding ugly Iron Man suits, and putting (shudder) lips on the mask of a black-clad ninja. Here, director Jon Chu (“Step-Up”) ups the action -– dig the mountain-side battle of sword-playing ninjas -– and ditches much of the “Rise” low marks, reworking characters to give fan boys their due. The plot kicks off as Cobra has created an imposter U.S. Prez (Jonathan Pryce) and plans to take the world via nuclear disarmament. Satirical politics? No. This is child’s play. Speaking of, in action figure trading glory, most of the “Rise” cast has fled, but we get Dwayne Johnson as heavy-gunner Roadblock and Bruce Willis as the original Joe named Joe. (Channing Tatum briefly returns as Joe leader Duke.) Johnson carries all, while Willis yawns and the rest of the newcomers, including Adrianne Palicki in a painfully sexist “hottie soldier” role, strike poses more plastic than human. B-

The Rundown (2003)

It comes fast, a split-second cameo: Arnold Schwarzenegger walks out of a bar and yells, “Have fun!,” as Dwayne Johnson -– billed as “The Rock” for his wrestling -– struts into a showdown that will have him clobbering most of a football team. Off the bat, director Peter Berg in his second film is planting flags: Johnson is the new Action King and “The Rundown” is a goofy, bone-cruncher flick from 1986. And it is exactly that. Every beat, stunt, gag, and boom is wired to the days of Reagan. Irritation? Yes. Likely the point? Fact. Plot: Johnson is Beck, a bounty hunter sent to the Amazon to retrieve the son (Sean William Scott) of his loan shark boss. In the jungle, his target easily found, Beck gets sucked into a third-world slave camp (free market capitalism!) drama run by an evil baron (Christopher Walken). Skulls crack, you know the rest. Johnson’s charisma is strong as Berg dreams up cackling, chortling myriad ways to put his hero through the ringer. Scott’s Wile E. Coyote irritates and needles Beck in the film’s best unsaid gag: This is a bromance take on “Romancing the Stone,” one of those great ’80s films. B

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island (2012)

Warner Bros. made “Journey 2: The Mysterious Island” for 3D big screens in 2012, but watching the pop-art colors, goofy-grin special effects, and family-on-an-adventure story, I thought of the Disney movies from 30 years back, fantasies that put children center stage. “Journey” is proudly rah-rah family fun, hokey with “I love you, dad” montages that rocket past cringingly cloy, but it is miles better than the first “Journey” film, “Center of the Earth.” That piffle drowned in bad CGI, but here we get tiny elephants, giant bees, raging waters, and falling rocks that ring more true. (Sort of.) Speaking of Rocks, Dwayne Johnson replaces Brandon Fraser as the adult who joins our teen hero (Josh Hutcherson) on an adventure that again focuses on Verne and a missing relative (Michael Caine as one cool grandpa). Hutcherson is too old to be short-bus style yelling “Grandpa!,” but Johnson has a ball singing and playing a ukulele. Adults won’t mind when the cast breaks the fourth wall and smirk. B-

The Other Guys (2010)

In every testosterone-filled cops and their partners flick, there’s always the barely in-focus fellow detectives, no name extras taking up space. No one cares if they die by gunfire. Unlikely partners in every way (casting, too) Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg are those men, one a paperwork nerd, the other a hot-headed dunce, in “The Other Guys.” When the cliché super cop heroes – played hilariously by Samuel L. Jackson and Dwayne Johnson – die not pulling off a stunt every movie cop pulls off, our “Guys” enter the fray. In a red Prius. Director/co-writer Adam McKay gleefully throws one of those impossible-to-follow coincidence plots at us as a greedy Wall Street tycoon (Steve Coogan) runs amok. Explosions and car chases abound, all sickly ridiculous, and yet not out of place in any “Lethal Weapon” movie. McKay ridicules mega-masculinity, the hot wife syndrome in every guy flick, and the economy. The bad guys get a bailout. Talk about realism. Ferrell is genius uncorking rage, and Wahlberg is a good straight man, although clearly uncomfortable yelling “I’m a peacock!” Still, great laughs. B+