Pixels (2015)

“Pixels” has a ridiculously great premise that vibes perfect 1980s action/comedy: Aliens attack Earth using as weapons massive “live” incarnations of Atari’s best video games: Pac-Man, Centipede, Tetris, etc. Damn the result. Look, Director Chris Columbus (“Harry Potter” 1 and 2) handles the big VFX scenes with polish: Pac-Man tearing through NYC is too cool and when a soldier is de-pixelated, it scares like classic “Doctor Who." But away from the action, Pixels dies. A dead-eyed Adam Sandler plays an ex-arcade-child-king now miserable, but still chummy with his dork childhood pal (boring Kevin James), now the worst U.S. president ever. Assholes, both. A big joke: Sandler insults a White House intern by calling him “Blue Lagoon.” Because the guy has curly blond hair. I sat blinking. How old is that joke? Sandler and James blunder their way into saving Earth. This Earth doesn't deserve it. The trailer promised a celebration of us 1980s gamers. The movie flogs us as infants incapable of adult decisions. Like hygiene. Or parenting. Fuck every person involved. Last miserable kick: The sexism astounds. When another arcade dork (Josh Gad) sees his dream woman come to life, she cannot speak. Only smile and obey. Offensive. C-

Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief (2010)

A misfit boy learns that he not only has incredible powers, but that he is a vital player in a supernatural drama outside the scope of normal humanity. Harry Potter? Well, yes. But also Percy Jackson. Who? Think Boy Wizard - Sorting Hats + “Clash of the Titans.”

In “Percy Jackson & The Olympians: The Lightning Thief,” our title character (get the pun?) is thrown from a sorry existence into the realm of gods, demigods and monsters. Chris Columbus directs this franchise kick-off as he did the first two Potter films, but to lesser effect.

“Percy” is adventurous and has ace scenes (Uma Thurman as Medusa), but it lacks the spark that makes even an adult think with childhood whimsy, “I want to do that!” The adult cast is underused, underwhelming, or in the case of Catherine Keener (as Percy’s mom) saddled with oblivious roles. FYI, we have Pierce Brosnan and Sean Bean looking for things to do.

Young actor Logan Lerman as Percy seems more boy band than action hero, but he’s fun to watch, particularly when baffled at a magical pen or, slack-jawed, discussing “The French Connection” in a prison-like casino. Logic? There is none.

When did the gods of the universe, with all their might, immigrate to the United States? I guess if you watch Fox News or vote GOP or you are 5th grade or under in America, this is natural. God and gods equal USA. For me, I am stumped. Never mind. I digress. Out. C+