Art of the Steal (2013)

“Art of the Steal.” That’s the title of a great 2010 documentary about a raw deal between an art museum in rural Pennsylvania and the City of (Big) Brotherly Love, the Philadelphia Museum of Art. It crackled with betrayal, and was all talking heads. Art geeks, even. Now, it’s the title of an “Oceans 11”-type caper with Kurt Russell playing ex-con Crunch Calhoun, out to steal a Gutenberg-printed book that could undo the story of Jesus. On Crash’s crew: His half-brother (Matt Dillon) who previously put our hero in prison for 5 years, and Jay Baruchel as a young crook who acts like Jay Baruchel and blurts out ad-libbed one-liners that scream ad-libbed one-liner. Kurt Russell is a great actor. So, I hate to say this, but “Art” is an ugly-dull bore. Director/writer Jonathan Sobol tosses in endless editing tricks to make his flick soar, but it’s dead at launch, topped by a woeful laughably predictable ending. One highlight: A brief, strange bit where we break from the regular plot to watch Russell play a man who steals the Mona Lisa 100 years ago. Russell’s eyes sparkle. He smiles. He scowls. Boom. Russell deserves a major comeback. C-

A Christmas Carol (2009)

“A Christmas Carol” is the second-most popular story concerning December 25, behind the whole Christ-Savior-manger thing. This version of Scrooge's awakening gives us Jim Carrey lording with wild amusement over an all-CGI animated spectacle from director Robert Zemeckis. The former Ace Ventura spins gold as the miser and his three ghosts, saying otherwise would make one a ba-humbug. As well, the animation is far better than Zemeckis’ other animated efforts, the “The Polar Express” and “Beowulf,” but that ain't saying much. Yes, eyes finally sparkle, and skin has creases and sags never seen before in this fare. But we are still talking mannequin herky-jerky inhuman bodies. A couple years worth of Christmases went into this flick, the best effects Disney can buy, and with that, the beautiful simplicity of Dickens’ tale is buried under razzle-dazzle fairy dust. Here’s hoping Zemeckis leaves the birth of Jesus alone. B-

Monty Python’s Life of Brian (1979)

God bless each and every member of the Monty Python. After taking on the Holy Grail in 1975 and giving us one of the greatest comedy of all time, the British (and one American) lads take on a most holy target – Christianity and religious fanatics of all kinds – in “Life of Brian.” The results are wicked hilarious, every bit equal to “Grail.” I don’t care a whit if it’s blasphemous, it only makes me love it more. (It isn't by the way.) The Brian (Graham Chapman) of the title is a chap born in a stable two over from the one holding the Son of God. Brian is no savior, though. He spends his life running from his iron-will mother and smack into the path of crazy prophets drunk on their own loud voices, crazier followers who think him the Savior, and the Romans, and a cross. By God, the scene involving separatists (led by John Cleese) denouncing Rome (”What have they ever given us?”) had me crying. Chapman is brilliant as the straight man, while Michael Palin again proves he can play more than a dozen characters in one film and hit a homer every one. Christ is treated with revered awe. Graham Chapman is poor Brian, hung out to sing. A miracle of satire. A+