Predators (2010)

A marvelous opening: A body falls from the sky, thousands of feet in the air, and suddenly comes to freaked-out life. The man – it’s Oscar winner Adrien Brody -- panics, screams, flails his legs and arms, and then his hands find and yank the ripcord to the parachute on his back. Just in time. The chute opens, and the man crashes to the ground of a jungle. Boom -- the title card “Predators” screams across the screen liken an out-of-control fireball. To paraphrase another 1980s-born action franchise, "Yippee-ki-yay monkey farmer!"

This, I thought, is the bad-ass sequel I’ve long wanted for 1987’s “Predator,” the bloody way-cool Arnold Schwarzenegger action flick about tough men in a jungle, hunted by and hunting a massively big, killer alien with a squid face. (“Predator 2” was an absolute dud and is not relevant here. Thank goodness.)

Produced by Robert Rodriguez (“Desperado”) and directed by Nimrod Antal, “Predators” plays on that theme, with a heaping of “Guys, where are we?” intrigue from “LOST” and the classic “The Most Dangerous Game” short story. The “guys” are seven men and one woman, all military Special Forces, assassins, gangsters, mass murderers, war criminals and … a clean-cut surgeon from California, plucked from their lives and dropped on a jungle planet with several moons and a sun that does not move. Alice Braga, Danny Trejo and Topher Grace round out the cast.

In line with its first sibling, the characters die one-by-one as the aliens attack. I was stoked for some summer fun. But halfway through, this fire goes out of this hell ride. It stays out. In a tip to Marlon Brando’s crazed Col. Kurtz in “Apocalypse Now,” Laurence Fishburne (who starred in that war classic) pops by for a cameo as a stranded survivor gone native, and whacked. But here’s the deal: Larry’s fat. I mean I-think-the-SOB-ate-Keanu-Reeves-after-that-last-shitty-Matrix-movie huge, and his character just fails. He’s a joke. Then Rodriguez pops a character reveal so ludicrous and clichéd, I and the entire audience burst out laughing. The movie never recovers. I sat there bored.

As the moral-free “hero” of the piece, Brody might not be “Ahnuld” tough but he brings a keen intelligence to the story, and I dug Braga’s character, this is a warrior woman who has never seen high heels. High hopes dashed fast, that’s the score here, though. Final thought: “Predator” gave us two future U.S. state governors. Any political leaders here? Sit down, Topher. Sit down. C+