Highlander (1986) and Highlander 2: The Quickening (1991)

Has there ever been a fantasy franchise with such a genius hook more crapped from the beginning than “Highlander”? I love the premise: A 16^th century Scottish warrior is killed in battle, but arises from the grave whole and healed for he is Immortal, an ubermensch race known only to their own kind. They are determined to kill one another until only one is left. 

In the original, hero Connor McCloud (Christopher Lambert) learns of his powers, lives for centuries, relocates to New York, and finally must battle Clancy Brown as Kurgan, which means He Who Cannot Enunciate. 

The plot is good, but the cheap dialogue and director Russell Mulcahy’s relentlessly vulgar metal-band rock video antics are blinding. This bargain-bin Michael Bay never lets his actors or story breathe being too busy shattering glass and blowing up water. Sean Connery as an Egyptian-turned-Spaniard mentor living in Scotland is some kind of painful joke, and the man is dressed like a bed pillow. But it’s all watchable. 

Not so DOA sequel “Quickening,” a cinematic cluster-fuck from the start that rewrites the Immortals as time-traveling aliens in a story too baffling to explain. Michael Ironside looks ashamed as the villain. 

Original: C+ The sequel: F

Highlander (1986)

“Highlander” is a freakish 1980s fantasy action flick turned cult hit. It is absolute cheese, funny in all the wrong places. Queen provides the rock opera music score. To a film with sword fights. The casting alone is mind-boggling. Dig it: French actor Christopher Lambert plays Scotsman Connor McCloud, a 16th century warrior who rises from the dead after battle. Banished as a devil of sorts, he eventually learns of his status as an Immortal from an Egyptian-born Spaniard played by Scotsman Sean Connery, wearing red pajamas and eye liner. That’s not a misprint. Russell Mulcahy directs, and Clancy Brown – all razor-wire voice, and bug eyes – is the Immortal villain. Much of the film takes place in 1980s New York. It’s a sloppy film, with hokey macho dialogue, crap cinematography and strobe light editing. But damn if it isn’t ridiculously fun when the action swings, with sword battles that play like killer video games back when Atari was still cool. Lambert does well. Connery is an acting disaster run over by a fashion train. I think his character inspired Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack. B-