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Who would win in a
fight, Rocky or Raging Bull? Twenty-five years ago that would have been a
semi-serious whisky-laced conversation among movie fans who like their heroes
damaged but triumphant. Oh, times have changed. A joke gabfest has turned actual
movie with “Grudge Match,” featuring Sylvester Stallone and Robert De Niro having
signed on for what I can only guess are gold bricks. I knew “Match” could be
bad, a desperate fan fiction nostalgia trip to make us Gen X’ers recall how
great these actors were on screen, and how huge the dramas of Rocky Balboa (dark, with redemption)
and Jake LaMotta (far darker, none) were, once. But I wasn’t prepared for how endlessly mediocre
every single boring moment would be, right up to the final sentimental boxing
match that lasts six years as two 70-year-old actors mock-beat each other, and
I became physically angry watching it all turn shit brown. I hated every bullshit
wink-nod-wink inside joke: Stallone’s working class stiff visiting a meat
freezer, De Niro’s smirking playboy and his comedy bar entertainment. A bad film that dares shits on two classics. Fuck this. F
My PR job allows
me to work with humanoid robots, so I was ready for the sci-fi drama “Robot and
Frank” big time. With sometimes clunky bodies, humanoid robots are still in
developmental infancy and several decades will pass before ’bots hit, say,
toaster status. But, Sundance wiz “R&F” matter-of-factly shows a future
with automatons all about, in libraries, homes, and on the street. Frank
Langella plays Frank, a 70-year-old ex-thief with prison and a broken family behind
him. Frank is sliding into dementia when his son (James Marsden) buys him
a mechanical housekeeper/mother hen robot. Frank balks and fumes until he
learns that the ’bot can be taught … um … unlawful night activities. Frank’s
back in the game, and the scores revitalize him, and that’s the sweet/powerful
joke behind director Jake Schreier’s and writer Christopher D. Ford’s feature
debut. Crime pays and robots rock. Langella nails the part -- no show-off old-man
breakdowns, but pure frail human emotion. The script gives Frank a romantic interest
(always lovely Susan Sarandon) and it’s great until fate (the pen) insists on a
wild card that feels forced. B
Comedy-drama
“The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” follows seven derailed-by-life Brits who leave
Queen and Country for Jaipur, India, and promises of a sunny paradise resort
for “the old and beautiful.” What they get is a barely-functioning pile of
bricks and mortar, geese in rooms, and a bouncy 20-ish manager (Dev Patel) who
pops off witticisms such as, “Everything will be alright in the end, and if
it’s not alright, it is not yet the end.” Film-geek goose bumps boom at the
cast: Maggie Smith as a racist grouch, Judi Dench as a broke widow, Tom
Wilkinson as a judge on a quest, and Bill Nighy and Penelope Wilton re-playing
husband and wife as they did in “Shaun of the Dead.” Nothing as exciting as
zombies here. We get stories of redemption, new love, and prejudices and
xenophobia laid to rest, or revealed. All is alright in the end. Every Brit
actor is naturally top notch, but Patel pulls a muscle to compete with his costars
as the script has him running “Slumdog” style for his lady love. Nothing as
exciting as that here either. My parents would love this film. B
