Around the World in 80 Days (2004)

I've not read the Jules Verne's "Around the World in 80 Days," but I know enough about it to realize that this adaptation pisses on the original's intent. It tries to be everything modern -- slapstick comedy, martial arts flick (!?!) and wink-wink nudge-nudge Hollywood spectacle -- and fails all around. Phileas Fogg (Steve Coogan) is played as a loony twit who can't figure out his French servant, Passepartout (Jackie Chan), is Chinese. Arnold Schwarzenegger, among the guest stars, embarrasses himself as a Turkish prince. The whole thing is an embarrassment, from start to finish. I've seen the more awful 1950s film take. That sucker could be used to torture peeps our boys in green bust for terrorism. This version could finish the job. D+