X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014)

Bryan Signer’s “X-Men: Days of Future Past” –- his first return to the Marvel Mutant franchise in 11 years -– has one of those plots that would jump several Marvel titles and have me buying and reading lest I miss a twist. “Future Past” is literal as we focus on clawed-hero Wolverine (Hugh Jackman, Marvel’s hardest working man) leaping from 2023 to 1973 to stop an Orwellian existence started by a mad scientist (Peter Dinklage) bent on domination. Indeed we get the heroes and villains of the two “X-Men” time-line franchises, with seniors Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan and sophomores James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender respectively playing hero Professor X and (non)villain Magneto, all for one admission. Singer serves the giddiest fun scene of the entire “X” films -- a punk speed demon (Evan Peters) breaks Magneto out of a Pentagon cell -– but, damn it, all the time leaping and plot erasing reminds me of the futility of so many comic books. No one dies. Watch a well-known character perish? No worries, wait three minutes, it won’t matter. Emotional investment? Suspense? Wet fireworks. Pay up for the next chapter, please. In three-color print, it worked. On screen? It rings empty. B-

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014)

Everything wrong that Sony is doing with Spider-Man screams loud in the end credits of “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” with the now-standard stinger tease all of us have become accustomed to in superhero flicks. This is different. We get not a peek at a new or undead villain, but (sigh) a long, random, unexplained “X-Men: Days of Future Past” clip. 

The scene hits the viewer, hit this viewer, like an error by the projectionist. A blip from the movie playing down the hall. 

There’s no connection to Spider-Man. It’s an ad. Chicken feed to answer a studio contract. A disconnected film. Money.

And, that, folks is what this whole sequel smells of, contract obligations and a studio desperate to launch sequels, spin-offs, toys, and soda pop tie-ins at Subway. 

This fast-tracked sequel to an unneeded 2012 remake of the 2002 “origin” film shows not story-telling prowess or a love of the Marvel comics stories that thrilled my childhood, but movies as sausage. Ground, not links.

Director Mark Webb and his writers give us the great Paul Giamatti as a rampaging psycho thief during an opening truck/car chase through Manhattan then drops the actor until a third-wheel finale with a tacky CGI head of the man in a robotic version of the well-known comic book character Rhino, one that oddly hints of a lost Transformer. 

What studio makes those films? Why the Rhino here and now? Action figures at Target? 

In between it all, Giamatti’s two scenes, we do get Andrew Garfield as Spider-Man, battling both Electro (Jamie Foxx, doing a loser nerd bit until he goes all angry nerd as a guy with electric-controlling powers) and a new Green Goblin in the form of Peter Parker childhood pal Harry Osbourne (Dane DeHaan, stealing the film with intensity that unsettles). Don’t forget hints of other comic book staples Black Cat, Doctor Octopus, and the Vulture. Oh, Venom, too, I think. Blink, miss, you get the idea. Keep a chart.

Even for a comic book geek and likely target of all this name dropping and play, the film lurches and crawls, stuffed with excess, and I have not even yet mentioned all the back story hoopla of Peter’s sad dead parents … which, in the sloppy end, does not mean much. 

(If you're not a comic book geek and lost in this review, sorry, I can't explain a Green Goblin to the unknown.)

I deeply enjoy the main cast here –- Garfield is fantastic, and Emma Stone as girlfriend Gwen Stacy plays smart before sexy –- far better than the first trilogy of Spider-Man films, but Giamatti is sadly wasted. Foxx works hard to make a character bite that has no teeth, or form. Chris Cooper has two scenes as Norman Osbourne –- father of Harry, and a Green Goblin in the books -– but they also smack of a wasted talent, a headline-grabbing name grabbed and tossed in. Why him in that part? 

Plot? Peter has graduated high school and over a long summer finds himself mixed up again in Oscorp, the evil corporation that figured in film one, and once employed his dead father. He’s also fumbling at a relationship with Stacy, whose cop pop previously made Peter (as Spider-Man) promise to keep away from, before succumbing to fatal injuries. Pete cannot keep that promise, though. He loves Gwen too much, and she him. 

Comic book fans know what happens as closely as Christians know how it turned out for Jesus. But when the moment comes, it’s a mixture of awe –- that’s happening in a big summer film, gutsy –- and exhaustion as we have seen two super villains crash in, and there’s that third and fourth and who knows else coming down. Mourn? Sorry. No time.

I will give Webb and company credit for the changes they made to Electro: The comic book outfit of the yellow face mask would never work on screen. So, they retooled the character from scratch. Nice move. Even if Electro is one of the shrug characters in the books. Where art thou, Kraven? OK, thank the gods they did not actually toss in Kraven. 

Less can be more, films can breathe. This “Spider-Man” ends gasping for air, and with a headache. Is it the disaster of “Spider-Man 3” (2007)? No. But only by a web’s width. 

Garfield is by far miles better than Toby Maguire, who hit a weepy whiny ditch and never got his ass out. He deserves a better movie to play in. I hope he gets it, soon. C+

The Wolverine (2013)

Does a bear shit in the woods? What about a Wolverine? 

In the opening minutes of “The Wolverine” -- the latest cinematic chapter of the X-Men mutant superhero saga -- we see the former, but thankfully never the latter as our fast-healing, metal-clawed, highly disgruntled hero Logan (Hugh Jackman) has taken to living in a remote Canadian cave to escape humanity. (OK, it’s a piss, not a shit, but damn the details. And if you don’t know who Wolverine is, just stop reading. I can’t help you.) This miserable life follows the unfortunate events of the unfortunate “X-Men: Last Stand” that left power-crazed Jean Grey dead by Wolverine’s claws. 

He killed her to save himself and the world, because that always happens in comic books. Yet, her ghost (Famke Janssen, also returning) appears in Wolverine’s dreams, her dressed in lingerie and in his bed as never happens in comic books. But this is the movie, and she’s not the only specter haunting Logan, whose only friend is now that bear. (Let the snickering begin.) Wolverine’s long past a century old, his genetically-mutated-at-birth healing powers keeping him eternally alive and at middle age. He has seen so much horror, death, and pain, his every moment is clouded by anger, ghosts and lost voices. 

Among the dark memories: His saving of a young Japanese prison guard as Nagasaki is obliterated by an American atomic bomb on 9 August 1945. That scene opens the film. The guard has since grown to become an old, dying billionaire owner of a tech company and he has plans for Logan: Mainly taking that eternal healing power for himself, allowing the Wolverine to finally die, and rest in longed for peace. And Logan indeed see his powers seeped away courtesy a villainous mutant known as the Viper (Svetlana Khodchenkova), a literal snake-like woman who excretes maddening and deadly poison. 

A now vulnerable Logan soon finds himself inside a ticking bomb Japanese samurai/gangster drama that touches government powers and includes the old guy’s 20-something granddaughter, Mariko (Tao Okamoto), who is the target of assassins, family jealousies, and dull acting. 

A wounded, bleeding, off-his-game Logan and the woman go on the run and on the train, to Nagasaki and beyond, all leading to a climax atop a high-tech castle that recalls at once samurai classic drama “Ran” and also – head desk slam -- every other freakin’ superhero movie made, most especially a metal man/monster right out of a certain Robert Downey Jr,. franchise starter. (Mimicry is, what, flattering?)

Comic book geeks such as myself -- weaned in the 1980s and on the high-mark of Wolverine’s Japanese origin stories, with him taking on black-clad ninjas in a snowy mountain village, no noise but the slicing of bodies and clanging of sword on claws in the cold snow -– have long looked forward to the story of Logan told on film. To the saga of Wolverine, it’s as important as Krypton to Superman. 

The 2009 “Origins” Wolverine prequel was a bust on every level, as we were robbed of this story that fired our imagination and made us feel like we were watching a forbidden film of grisly violence. So, this sequel provides a double-edged sword as we do –- finally! -– get to see that very story told. 

But –- head desk slam part two -– the showdown is dispatched in such a quick a flash, I felt gutted. Director James Mangold and his writers (Scott Frank and Mark Bomback, plus an uncredited script doctor Christopher McQuarrie, and Lord knows who else) already were pushing the PG-13 line with blood. Was this too far? Whatever the case, it disappoints. 

Yes, I’m on a fan boy nitpick. Screw my geeky expectations, right? OK. 

The film’s a mess in myriad ways leading to these final battles, from the listless romance between Logan and Mariko -- half the age of Jackman, and likely a tenth of Logan’s age, to the absolutely blank spot of villainy. We are served betrayals that fizzle, a big reveal that could only shock a comatose child, and as the main threat -– Viper, the snake woman with layers of skin –- a vapid actress unqualified to sneer candy from the grip of a baby. The film dies, I kid not, when Khodchenkova opens her mouth. (Language issue?) But she is not all to blame. It’s not just miscasting, the character of Viper has no motive, no purpose, she’s just there. She’s an afterthought in tight, ridiculously revealing outfits.

Maybe that’s enough for some filmmakers. (Mangold put Cameron Diaz through the clothes trials in “Knight and Day,” for sure.)

As Logan faces down enemies we don’t fear, fights for loves we don’t care about, and sees his powers restored -– naturally -– before any true pain hits, the razor sharp potential of this film is made soup spoon dull. I could not do better. But I expected better. Darren Aronofsky –- he made “Black Swan” and “Requiem for a Dream” –- was slated to direct this, and I marvel inside my own head at the film he could have made, talking Logan to the darkest reaches of a mind we see only hinted here. And putting buckets of blood on that snow. 

(The man cited family as a reason to not do the flick. Me, I think he wanted an “R” film, the studio tossed him aside. Such a rating would poison the box office. Bullshit logic. The movie opened soft anyway.) 

“Wolverine” is not terrible. Jackman is amazing, not just his bulked-out size, but the energy he brings to Logan. “X-Men” back in 2000 made the guy star, but he has stayed loyal to this character. Name another actor who has that dedication? If the film had his energy, it would be epic. But it’s only minor. Another scratch added to the list of disposable comic book movies that clog screens, not fill imaginations.

Stay for the end credits, a small teaser to the next “X-Men” film as two older gentlemen from the franchise take a defibrillator to this flick. Zap! The “ehh” audience I sat with got a jolt. I did. You will. Funny how I turn on myself, I’m growing tired of the genre, but bring on the next one, please. 

A question and from the first scene: How does Wolverine get taken prisoner in war to begin with, to set up this story? No answer there. B-

Super 8 and X-Men: First Class (2011)

“Super 8” and “X-Men: First Class” are not two films I would toss together on any given day, but they are sealed in my mind as a weird double feature separated by a week or so. They are sold as Summer 2011 Box Office Hits, but instead happily riff and thrive off film genres that no longer get the respect they deserve, even if they fall short of beloved and timeless classics.

“Super 8” is a throwback to the five-star films of my youth, “The Goonies” and “E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial,” fathered by two masters-of-cinema dads, one older and one younger, producer Steven Spielberg and writer/director J.J. Abrams. With a pedigree such as that, it should be the Film of the Year. Yet, it’s not. Maybe I’m too far removed from my 11-year-old self, the year I saw and desperately wanted nothing more than to be a “Goonie.” (Hang out and kiss older girls? Fight villains and plunder pirate treasure!?! Yes and yes, please.)

The plot follows a group of young teens (led by Joel Courtney as a boy grieving over his dead mother) as they get sucked up in a spectacular alien conspiracy in their small Ohio steel town after they witness a spectacular train crash. The title comes from the movie they are making -- a zombie flick -- on old 8 mm film, this being the late 1970s. I remember doing that. In full Spielberg vein, the children are the heroes, and the adults must grow up.

“Super 8” also mixes in heavy doses of government madness as in “Close Encounters of the Third Kind,” and it's a wild joy for a while. The teens play to each other, not the audience. The in-jokes of 1979 are so damn accurate and funny. But, damn it all, when the big bad alien is fully revealed, the film goes soft and flaky, and breaks its back reaching for sentimental pathos. All tension and fun evaporates. Also, the creature looks so …eye-rolling obvious CGI. Hey, guys, why not go for old-school puppetry and in-camera tricks? Speaking of cameras, Abrahams’ OCD love for lens flare kills the finale as faces are near blurred by blue light pops. It’s never a good sign when, during an emotional finale, one sits there thinking, “What the hell lens did they use?” But that’s nitpicking. I'll shut up.

Yes, “X-Men: First Class” is a prequel to the 10-year-old film franchise and yet another superhero movie in this, The Summer of Super Hero Movies. But that’s surface. Directed by Matthew Vaughn, “X:FC” is actually an old-school 1960s spy flick born of John Le Carre novels, James Bond films and “Fail Safe” paranoid drama, spiced with an old revenge thriller plot. We get CIA agents, war room grand-standing, fantastic hideouts for the villains (a submarine!), secret bases in plain sight for the good guys, strip clubs and old Nazis in hiding.

Much of the film takes place in 1962, the year of the Cuban Missile Crisis, when the world almost nuked itself into radioactive dust. As with “Inglourious Basterds” or a James Ellroy novel, “X:FC ” takes this history and bends it. The gist: What if the whole United States/Soviet Union stand-off was the wicked master plan of a martini-sipping megalomaniac ex-Nazi Mutant (Kevin Bacon) grooving on the wish that nuclear fallout will bring him to power. Naturally, it is Charles Xavier, a peaceful Mutant (he is a telekinetic) who must keep the party from going nuclear. James McAvoy plays the young Xavier, before the wheelchair and baldness.

There’s also the rogue man out for bloody redemption who drives the whole plot forward. This is Erik Lensherr (sic), aka Magneto, an ex-Jew out to slay the Nazis who killed his family. Bacon’s character being target No. 1. Lensherr is far more interesting than Xavier, basically taking the place of Wolverine – violence-prone outsider – in the 2000 film “X-Men.” I’m assuming you know what I’m talking about, all this name dropping and Mutant talk. Apologies if you don’t. Magneto is played by Michael Fassbender who by law must become the next James Bond. (Ian McKellan played elder Magneto in the previous films.)

It’s a daring canvas, asking movie-goers to know real history. Despite how dark and dirty Vaughn stretches – he provides a gruesome death that will forever change the way you look at pocket change – I felt he wanted to go further. Darker than “The Dark Knight,” with more meaning. Too many kills cut away, sloppily, before they end. I actually could have done without the First Class in “First Class,” as the variety of young Mutants (with Jennifer Lawrence as Mystique) on display don’t hold water against McAvoy and Fassbender. There’s more nitpicking, from an “X-Men” comic book nerd’s perspective, but hey … how many summer flicks feature JFK and men in turtlenecks?

Both films: B

X2: X-Men United (2003)

“X2” -- Bryan Singer’s sequel to 2000’s “X-Men” -- goes deeper, darker and more politically blunt with barely veiled references to discrimination, imprisonment or murder of any group (Muslims, gays) deemed “dangerous” and “subversive” by right-wing flag waivers. In a LOL scene, a mom asks her super-powered son: “Have you ever tried not being a Mutant?” Nearly all of the heroes and villains of the first chapter return and reluctantly bond when threatened by a third party, a wild horse Army Special Ops guru named William Stryker (Brian Cox, making sinister look easy). Tones of faith, religion, trust, and the lure of evil are mixed in with a strong plot that further makes Professor X (Patrick Stewart) into an MLK Jr. figure and Magneto (Ian McKellen) into an early Malcolm X gone evil, while pushing the story forward. Hugh Jackman rocks as Wolverine, tough guy and babe magnet. I still hate the title: There’s not much uniting here. A-

X-Men (2000)

I love the in-your-face politics of “X-Men,” from the 1963-born comic book to the 2000 film. The set-up: A group of super heroes, born with powers through genetic hiccups at birth, fight for the common good, even protecting those who discriminate against them. In 1963, it was all racial equality. This film, directed by Bryan Singer, tilts toward immigrants and gays. And 10 years on, this take remains fresh with Arizona’s new immigration law and the Pentagon still insisting that only straights are worthy of serving their country. But I digress. Here, the righteous X-Men battle the menacing Brotherhood of Mutants for New York City, after the latter attacks with a sort-of genetics bomb. (Hey, it’s still a comic book movie.) Surprisingly thoughtful, the movie suffers greatly from Halle Berry’s stilted performance as weather-manipulator Storm, some clunky action scenes, and dialogue that often floats like a rock in water. Leading the respective sides are Patrick Stewart as Professor X and Ian McKellen as Magneto, who were born for these roles. Or maybe the characters were written for them 50 years ago? B

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)

“X-Men Origins: Wolverine” is not a disaster. It is miles ahead of the lifeless dud “X-Men: Last Stand,” the finale in an otherwise stellar film series that concerns superheroes born with their powers, Mutants. But this is far from razor claw sharp. It is dull, all CGI razors, no steel, or that whatzit metal in our titular hero.

If you’re an X-Men fan, you know the details on Wolverine (Hugh Jackman). He has the ability to heal, doesn’t age, and can grow deadly sharp claws from his knuckles. Impressive, eh? After a long-ass set up, this prequel rockets to post-Nam America as Wolverine – a.ka. Logan – finds himself working for renegade Army colonel Stryker (a ho-hum growling Danny Houston). Crimes are committed. Bodies piled high. Logan quits in disgust. But half-brother Victor – a.k.a. Sabretooth, who has very similar powers with an evil streak -- loves the job. Liev Schreiber plays this role. If you are lost at all these names, just quit reading, save yourself the trouble, film and review are for fan-boys, and I presume the review is better, eh?

So, blah plot blah, Logan – having never seen a conspiracy movie or read a comic book – midway through the film stupidly commits to becoming a super soldier, and his bones are filled with a crazy-strong liquid metal that will make him not just unkillable, but the bane of TSA agents. This is where Wolverine truly is “born.” The film version of Wolverine, anyway.(More on that in a minute.) In an act so dumb it made me groan, Stryker, the obvious bad guy who Logan trusts like Mother Duck, loudly announces that he will erase Logan’s memory and make the mutant his bitch. Post surgery. We get lots of these logic lapses that occur for no other reason than they must for the plot to grind on. So, plot, Logan escapes, and seeks revenge.

“Wolverine” lacks many things, other than logic. But what this PG-13 flick most needs is blood. Grisly, eye-popping blood. I read piles of Wolverine comic books with our anti-hero slicing through armies of ninjas, the Hulk, or any number of opponents with animalistic glee. Wolverine was bloody, dangerous, unpredictable, and that was a nasty, fun thrill to read. Red blood was forbidden by censors, so comic book artists poured blobs of black ink onto the page to represent Wolverine’s wild carnage. I got that ink on my fingers.

Don’t get me wrong. There’s action aplenty and Jackman is game and wildly buff. A climatic fight involving Wolverine, Sabretooth and a Frankenstein-like Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) has a somewhat cool Three Mile Island meltdown meets “Star Wars” mash-up that zings and pops. It’s a hint of the wild menace that should have been there from the film’s start. But back story should have been put on the back burner. C+