“X-Men Origins: Wolverine” is not a disaster. It is miles ahead of the lifeless dud “X-Men: Last Stand,” the finale in an otherwise stellar film series that concerns superheroes born with their powers, Mutants. But this is far from razor claw sharp. It is dull, all CGI razors, no steel, or that whatzit metal in our titular hero.
If you’re an X-Men fan, you know the details on Wolverine (Hugh Jackman). He has the ability to heal, doesn’t age, and can grow deadly sharp claws from his knuckles. Impressive, eh? After a long-ass set up, this prequel rockets to post-Nam America as Wolverine – a.ka. Logan – finds himself working for renegade Army colonel Stryker (a ho-hum growling Danny Houston). Crimes are committed. Bodies piled high. Logan quits in disgust. But half-brother Victor – a.k.a. Sabretooth, who has very similar powers with an evil streak -- loves the job. Liev Schreiber plays this role. If you are lost at all these names, just quit reading, save yourself the trouble, film and review are for fan-boys, and I presume the review is better, eh?
So, blah plot blah, Logan – having never seen a conspiracy movie or read a comic book – midway through the film stupidly commits to becoming a super soldier, and his bones are filled with a crazy-strong liquid metal that will make him not just unkillable, but the bane of TSA agents. This is where Wolverine truly is “born.” The film version of Wolverine, anyway.(More on that in a minute.) In an act so dumb it made me groan, Stryker, the obvious bad guy who Logan trusts like Mother Duck, loudly announces that he will erase Logan’s memory and make the mutant his bitch. Post surgery. We get lots of these logic lapses that occur for no other reason than they must for the plot to grind on. So, plot, Logan escapes, and seeks revenge.
“Wolverine” lacks many things, other than logic. But what this PG-13 flick most needs is blood. Grisly, eye-popping blood. I read piles of Wolverine comic books with our anti-hero slicing through armies of ninjas, the Hulk, or any number of opponents with animalistic glee. Wolverine was bloody, dangerous, unpredictable, and that was a nasty, fun thrill to read. Red blood was forbidden by censors, so comic book artists poured blobs of black ink onto the page to represent Wolverine’s wild carnage. I got that ink on my fingers.
Don’t get me wrong. There’s action aplenty and Jackman is game and wildly buff. A climatic fight involving Wolverine, Sabretooth and a Frankenstein-like Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds) has a somewhat cool Three Mile Island meltdown meets “Star Wars” mash-up that zings and pops. It’s a hint of the wild menace that should have been there from the film’s start. But back story should have been put on the back burner. C+
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