The Stepford Wives (1975 and 2004)

More than 30 years on, the 1975 version of “The Stepford Wives” packs a huge punch. Unless you were raised under a rock or you actually are a Stepford Wife, you know the plot to this classic pitch-black Ira Levine satire: A married couple (Katherine Ross and Peter Masterson) and their children move from New York City to a seemingly perfect Connecticut suburb known as Stepford.

Lawns are perfectly manicured, houses impeccably clean and orderly, fantastic casseroles are the norm, even the sunlight is perfect, and almost every wife does nothing – literally nothing – but please their husband’s every single whim. The men laugh about it. Something’s wrong, and it ain’t the water.

Like “Rosemary’s Baby” – another Levine book turned film, and my favorite horror movie of all time – “Stepford” is a tale of women suffocating under the rule of men. Ross (“The Graduate”) is a brilliant heroine – she loves her family without question, but like any person who loves herself, or himself, she wants to be fulfilled in her own right, to be remembered. And she will bust your head with a fireplace poker if pushed too far. Even if she loves you.

The soul-killing husbands are scary because they are so matter-of-fact. As the film marches toward its dark ending, Ross pleads, “Why are you doing this?!?” The cold reply: “Because we can.” If it doesn’t boil your blood – woman or man – then you need to check if you still bleed. A-

I vividly recall the 2004 remake. Like a bout of tuna-inspired food poison. This version trades in the dark nature of the original for an ungodly fluffy comedy topped by a script so awful and contradictory, I still can’t believe I watched it to the end. A career worst for Nicole Kidman, who takes the role played by Ross in 1975, as well as director Frank Oz. F