Snowpiercer (2014)

Bong Joon-ho’s “Snowpiercer” is a gonzo action-thriller that marries “Runaway Train” to “1984,” with Captain America himself Chris Evans as a last-car rebel inside a train that holds the last of humanity, circling a world sunk into permanent freeze after scientists pulled a major FUBAR trying to undo climate change. The train is wealth-segregated, “Great Gatsby” upfront, stragglers in back. When two back-car children are taken at gunpoint, Evans fights his way to the engine. To God. Bong’s film is a train onto itself, gleefully barreling off the tracks, belching smoke, ash, and noise, slashing through drama/action/satire and horror, no scene more bizarre or tense than a bright yellow elementary classroom. This film is bloody fun, if not too daft for anyone’s good, but note that everyone in the forward cars is white and police brutality is common, and our rulers know that war is necessary to thin the populace. Post-Ferguson, this movie is scarily now. As the train’s governess, Tilda Swinton riffs and looks like – no shit -- Thelma from Scooby Doo, possessed by a demon, high on meth. In fur. The end is perfectly WTF indescribable. A-

The Train (1964)

John Frankenheimer’s World War II “The Train” is a classic beyond compare. Maybe the grimy, sweaty black and white photography gets in the way? No idea. This film is perfect. Burt Lancaster plays French railway manager Labiche, a control freak who reluctantly and then obsessively plays out a suicide mission to stop a Nazi colonel (Paul Scofield) from looting France of its most treasured historic art -- irreplaceable Monets and Picassos, etc. The genius plot trick: Labiche and his fellow saboteurs don’t care a whit about the paintings. This is personal pride, and screwing the Nazis. At the end in eerie imagery, our star and director sternly ask if even one life violently sacrificed to save paintings or any other treasure, land, or national pride, is worth the toll. War is fruitless. Another reason to endlessly love this film: The destruction of a massive rail yard and a three-way way crash between three engines are shot in-camera, single takes. These scenes astound. You can near smell the ash and smoke. Lancaster does his own stunts, sliding down ladders and jumping trains, with Scofield’s villain as one for the ages. Quite possibly my favorite film ever. This is epic film-making. A+

Source Code (2011)

Duncan Jones’ “Source Code” is a wild take on “Strangers on a Train” – except two men don’t meet and conspire, one guy goes inside another’s mind – literally -- to stop a massive Armageddon massacre on a commuter train in Chicago. Jake Gyllenhaal is the soldier who keeps finding himself, “Groundhog Day” style, placed inside the noggin of a school teacher who is now deceased, a victim of a train explosion. The dire mission given to Gyllenhaal’s soldier: Stop the bomber. His handlers are Jeffrey Wright, all wiggly, whacky mad scientist, and Vera Farmiga, all stiff as a month-old pretzel. Will Jake stop the killer? Will he fall in love with the young woman (Michelle Monahan) in the next seat? For 75 minutes of this sci-fi time-travel twister, I was stoked to find out. I loved Jones’ instant-cult-classic “Moon,” and this flick also follows a loner hero. But then just at the climax, the film doesn’t just go off the rails, it commits suicide in a jaw-dropper immolation of Hollywood hokum and nonsense. As the end credits rolled, I sat stunned wondering if Jones really intended to dis teachers so, and if he is a one-hit wonder. A huge let down. C+

Unstoppable (2010)

“Unstoppable” describes the runaway freight train, stacked with toxins and untold gallons of fuel, at the heart of this nail-bitter thriller from Tony “Top Gun” Scott. It is wildly entertaining, flat out fun, and focuses on regular guys. Men you would find at the diner at 5 a.m., wolfing down breakfast before work. The two leads are Denzel Washington and Chris Pine. For once, Scott’s roving, bouncing camera serves a purpose as the out-of-control train barrels down rail tracks, smashing through horse trailers and the egos of the know-it-all execs at the freight company. Enter Washington’s engineer, thisclose to forced retirement, and Pine, a young conductor out on his – naturally – maiden voyage. Washington reels in his charisma, yet owns the film. Pine still plays the smart ass hero card he did in 2009’s “Star Trek” reboot. Wildly smart editing, a sound design to die for, and spot-on special effects keep this film on track. I hated the constant Fox News corporate synergy, but I’d gladly take this ride again. B+