Fantastic Four (2005)

“Fantastic Four” is a sucker punch to the face and heart of every true four-color-ink-for-blood comic book geek who knew growing up that the exploits of Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, and the Thing, was the coolest monthly read: A blood-and-marriage family of super-powered heroes with screw-loose hang-ups and arch-enemies. At least the plot follows the book. Five astronaut-types are blasted with cosmic rays while on a science mission, each person spouting outsize powers close fit to their personality: The ability to contort one’s body into any shape, invisibility, control of fire, and a moving, raging man of stone. The fifth wheel is the billionaire boss Victor Von Doom, destined to go evil with a name like that, except he turns into a metallic maniac, not a giant shitting asshole. Here’s a movie with 50 years of comic history as resource and director Tim Story (“Taxi”) kills it from the start. Bland, listless, with no sense of wonder, horror, or the fantastic. The cast is dull with Ioan Gruffudd as Mr. Fantastic and Julian McMahon as Dr. Doom. Questions linger: Would I notice had they switched roles midway through? Not likely. C-

Chronicle (2012)

Faux found-footage films are dead dull thanks to the “Paranormal Activity” quadrilogy. The low-budget “Chronicle” seeks to break the rut, and for the most-part, excels smashingly. Much is smashed in this 90-minute thriller after three high school boys stumble upon a cavern and quite foolishly (as teen boys are prone to do) touch a glowing, pulsing … something. Meteor? We don’t know, but the object gives the trio telekinetic powers. In sci-fi lore, newly powered teens must fight crime. Not here. They turn merry pranksters and play football 13,000 feet up. Then one of three -- bullied, beaten, and angry Andrew (Dane DeHaan of “Lawless”) -- goes mad and his rampage in downtown Seattle is so thrillingly of-the-moment TV news “real,” the sight is horrifying and exhilarating, thanks to director Josh Trank. But the teenage oh-so-exact shot “footage” and the constant meta-raised-eyebrows from the other characters halts the momentum, and I think, get on with the story. Stop the gimmick. That said, Track’s thriller near blows the superhero genre out of the water with a fraction of an “Amazing Spider-Man” budget. B+