X-Files: I Want to Believe (2008)

I watched the supernatural “X-Files” TV series with so-so religious devotion, and the 1998 “X-Files: Fight the Future” film was well-timed, bringing back paranormal FBI agent investigators Mulder (David Duchovny) and Scully (Gillian Anderson). Yet, by the time “X-Files: I Want to Believe” came 10 years later, I was over the show. So seem the actors and creator/director Chris Carter. This is a “stand-alone” episode, not just in theme, but time. It’s more akin to “Se7en.” Not anything to obsess over. Here, Scully works miserably at a Catholic hospital, while Mulder clips news articles and miserably grows a beard. A perplexing case involving a missing FBI agent, a severed arm, and a psychic criminal priest (Billy Connolly) brings our heroes back to flashlights in the dark and grisly conspiracies, and as the mystery is uncovered, the limits of PG-13 ratings are stretched as is any semblance of logic: A hero hears dogs barking in No Where West Virginia and instantly recognizes the bad guy’s lair. Really? No one here has been to West Virginia, the snow screams Canada. Believe? My faith vanished long ago. C+

The Raven (2012) and Me and Orson Welles (2009)

Two famously eccentric American artists who burnt fast and hot get the fictional film treatment in “The Raven” –- with writer/poet Edgar Allan Poe playing super sleuth over a series of murders related to his writings –- and “Me and Orson Welles” -– with the actor/director as scoundrel muse to a plucky “High School Musical” hero. 

As Poe, John Cusack does that arched-eyebrow John Cusack thing he always does, and he’s flat out wrong in the role. The plot is a grisly rehash of “Se7en” stitched onto a carbon copy of Guy Ritchie’s “Sherlock Holmes,” with a villain that’s dull as rag paper. Worse bit: Poe is shown playing with a pet raccoon. Director James McTeigue thinks he’s still filming “V for Vendetta.” Fawkes that. 

“Me” focuses on a teen drama protégé (Zac Efron) as he cons his way into a gig at the Mercury Theatre for the renowned staging of “Julius Caesar.” Christian McKay plays Welles as madman, genius, romantic, cad, screw-up, and artist, and brilliantly crushes every scene, but with “Tiger Beat” poster boy Efron in the lead pining for a smirking bored Claire Danes, the film sinks. 

Poe and Welles would torch these films. Raven: C- Welles: C+