Gravity (2013)

“Gravity” is exhilarating, the most damn entertaining, breathless film this year. The promos promise an outer space-set drama about two astronauts (Sandra Bullock and George Clooney) caught adrift in space after a freak debris incident, their shuttle destroyed and crew members dead. It is that and a survivalist-horror film drenched in the gut-punch notion that surviving in space means having to continue to face life’s cruelties on Earth. The lean plot is near required as director Alfonso Cuaron (“Children of Men”) plunges us into a 90-minute shocker that could break with too much filler. Among his sharpest onscreen moves: Simultaneously pitching “Gravity” as a near-wordless silent film of old, but shining new and large with spectacular, game-changing CGI, cinematography, and sound. He casts us adrift above the Earth, awed with wonder at our home and shocked by the absolute black void of space, and then miraculously takes us inside our hero’s space helmet with not a single edit. Bullock rips into her role -– raw, wounded, and shell-shocked –- deserves every award coming her way. As does Cuaron and co-writer/son Jonas who spin a perfect final scene uplifting in every sense of the word as it literally inverts the title. A+

Identity Theft and The Heat (both 2013)

It’s awesome to see Melissa McCarthy becoming a box-office star. Here are two of her recent releases I just caught, nicely paired…

“Identity Theft” mashes neat freak and slob road-trip comedy “Planes, Trains, and Automobiles” to numbers geek meets vulgar conman “Producers,” and hopes for gold. We get copper. You can guess the roles McCarthy and co-star Jason Bateman each go for. Plot: Bateman’s mega-nerd has his identity stolen by a freakish woman (McCarthy) in Florida, leaving him poor, jailed, and near fired. At the suggestion of police –- nothing here is plausible –- he goes to extradite the woman back to Denver. Again, nonsense. So, bat shit crazy thief Diana (McCarthy) makes our hero’s life hell with boorishness, screaming fits, a sexual romp with a trucker, and more. Bateman’s Sandy -– yes, we girl’s name jokes -– implodes under the hellfire of crassness until … he comes to appreciate Diana for who she really is, a victim worth loving. Look, I laughed to hell many times, especially when McCarthy puts on a shunned wife act, but when the movie goes for big tears with a syrupy ending, I cringed. The film does not deserve it, nor does the audience. Why can’t Diane just stay crass? Also, the violent bounty hunters ... why? C+

“The Heat” pairs her McCarthy against Sandra Bullock, a better foil than Bateman, as two LEOs out to capture a drug lord in a female-heavy spin on “Lethal Weapon.” The plot is inconsequential as director Paul Fieg (“Bridesmaids”) lets the genre staple of mismatched, bickering cops rule the film. McCarthy is a Boston cop with a gift for Riggs-like man-handling, while Bullock as a tight-wad FBI agent is more Joe Friday in “Dragnet.” How the women size one another up, bicker, and then get drunk together is goofy ’80s hilarious, and just when the relationship skates too close to tears, we get riffs on runaway cats and a gory CPR scene to puke by. McCarthy is more interesting with her cop storing an arsenal in her refrigerator, sexually using needy men, and making mincemeat of a john (Tony Hale, marvelously dweeby) cheating on his wife. It’s a role and film many women may cheer: A satire that turns macho man theatrics on their head. To think the studio was scared of financing this. Twits. Of the men, Tom “Biff” Wilson knocks off laughs easily as a “42-year-old” police chief. that said, over length hurts. A-

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (2011)

“Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” is a feel-good 9/11 movie. It opens with a body falling pretty-like from the World Trade Center, and ends with a similar motif, intercut with a boy on a swing. It’s made with Oscar in mind with Stephen Daldry (“The Reader”) behind the camera, and Tom Hanks, Sandra Bullock and Viola Davis on screen. The boy is Oskar Schell, a boy with Asperger’s Syndrome (he claims the tests were inconclusive) grieving the death of his beloved father (Hanks). One day Oskar finds a key in his father’s closet and sees it as a last gift from dad, who used scavenger hunts to bring the boy out of his shell. Schell. Get it? So the boy hunts, seeking an answer as to why dad died that Worst Day. The story is intriguing, but halfway I near bolted. Oskar clearly is in desperate need of psychological care – he fears everything and self-tortures his own body -- but the movie treats his illness as a quirky plot device, worsened by clueless, impossible-to-exist adults. As Oskar, newcomer Thomas Horn shines with majestic soul, but that doesn’t make anything here OK. A feel-good 9/11 movie is not quirky, it’s insulting. The grade is for the boy. C-

The Blind Side (2009)

It’s impossible to hate “The Blind Side.” It has a story so uplifting it could make Sarah Palin and Barack Obama fist bump and hug if they double-dated on movie night. The movie’s “based on a true story” tag is the sweet honey in the hot tea. Oh, and it’s got sports. I also saw apple pie in one scene. Hand to God.

The story is well-known: Vastly wealthy Memphis couple Leigh Anne and Sean Tuohy (Sandra Bullock and Tim McGraw) are wildly wealthy conservative Christians with a hugely successful Taco Bell franchise and memberships with the NRA. One cold rainy night, they take in wondering homeless black teen Michael Oher (Quinton Aaron). The boy has never had a true family, a sit-down holiday dinner or even a bed to sleep in. This family is a savior. He needs them. They grow to need him, too.

This story kicks every “rich Republicans are racists” cliché in the teeth. Without a “tsk-tsk” to be heard. And folks like these aren’t normal Hollywood movie fare. Even as a proud liberal, I know the conservative Christian class of America is vastly, wholly underserved by the entertainment community. No wonder the film, directed by feel-good master John Lee Hancock, was a smash hit Oscar winner.

But I digress. Because of the Tuohys’ fortune and compassion, Oher is able to remain at a solid school, obtain a personal study tutor, play high school football and work his way toward college. University, of course, leads to the NFL’s Ravens. (If this is a spoiler, than I welcome you to Planet Earth.)

But it’s equally impossible for me to love “Blind Side.” The screenplay always, without exception, goes for cute, sweet or funny. Even during a major automobile crash. I get it, it’s a movie. An uplifting, “life is beautiful” Hollywood movie lost from the 1950s. But having a skinny-ass 8-year-old white boy running a 300-pound-plus black teen through football scenarios and calisthenics may be LOL funny and aww-so-sweet to some. I found it just damn icky as hell. And I don’t care if everyone swears its fact. It's bull. Throughout, Oher’s character is sidelined for such hi-jinks. Why? This is his story.

Bullock is truly a hoot to watch. She commands the screen as a headstrong woman with the tenacity and will power of a runaway train, who wears boutique clothing to the projects, pistol in purse. Did she deserve the Oscar? Ehhh. No. But you can’t deny it’s a good show she puts on. The real Lynette Twohy apparently is just as thrillingly alive. McGraw, wisely, ducks and covers and just smiles as the husband.

Sadly, the film does the same. B-

500 Days of Summer and The Proposal (2009)

Rom-com double feature time, with one love that will last, another just a junk ring painted gold. The low-down: “500 Days of Summer”plays cool with the rules of its genre, while “The Proposal” is all about the rules. Straight jacket time. I saw both in one weekend, one stayed with me, the other, not. Here we go:

The trailer and opening scenes of “500” stipulates this is a boy meets girl, boy loses girl story. No romance here. Talk about a smack on the forehead. I love those. Shattering the traditional genre timeline, this tale is a roses-packing version of “Memento,” following a romantic dreamer (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) and a realist (Zooey Deschanel). The cracked time line is a beautiful disorder as the guy recalls his relationship with a gal named Summer, good, bad, ugly and all three together, to realize the truth about love. Do they stick? Do they break up? Watch it. Scenes are played out repeatedly, but with different insight, while others split the screen between “expectation” and “reality.” A near brilliant head and heart trip, it’s far more real than anything you’ll see elsewhere -- see below -- that includes a hilarious Hall & Oates rock-out complete with animated birds. It may be all overly hip and cool, but I loved it. A-

Alas, “Proposal” flies with every dusty romcom rule on autopilot, including the third-act airport dash. Does anyone ever actually do that? Yet despite its reek, stars Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds as the girl and the guy, and Betty White (God love her!) as the granny, raise this film to bearable restraint. Bullock hasn’t been this likable in years, and plays the standard role of bitch-career woman with verve and vulnerability. Although I hate the sexist stereotype. Ryan is the straight guy here, with perfect deadpan reactions. The pitch: Bullock ’s high-and-mighty NYC book editor faces deportment back to Canada for a green card violation, so she scams whipping boy assistant (Reynolds) into marrying her. He hates her. Off they go to Alaska to meet his nutty family to set the con in place. And, whattya know, they fall in love. Like I said. Dust. Autopilot. Boring. Thank God for Betty White, and the game leads. B-