2 Guns (2013)

“2 Guns” has Denzel Washington doing that cool swagger that he does and Mark Whalberg pelting out words like a machine gun, with Edward James Olmos and Bill Paxton as villains, one quiet and the other all show and tell. The quartet sell “Guns” well, because its plot is a mess that blows itself apart -– with a literal bang -- when our antiheroes storm a Navy base and firebomb an office building, and the act is never mentioned again. Post-9/11 that gag falls flat dead, no matter who’s selling. Washington and Wahlberg play undercover agents (DEA and Naval Intel) who are unaware of each other’s identity as they try to nab a drug lord (Olmos). When the duo pulls off a questionable bank robbery to take EJO’s $3 million fortune, they wind up taking $43 million. Why? Just because. Thusly, all hell (with Paxton as Satan) breaks loose. I like an overblown buddy flick, but “Guns” has its leads brag, “Bet you didn’t see that coming!,” on repeat before doing something I did see coming, because I saw “Lethal Weapon” and “ButchCassidy.” Two guns? Give us two new ideas. B-

Battleship (2012)

“Battleship” -– based on the board game -– bombed in theaters, and a viewing reinforces its death as deserved. The is an ugly CGI-drunk mess, taking 40 minutes to start as director Peter Berg (“Kingdom”) and his screenwriters break their backs and our patience introducing a screw-up U.S. Navy hero (Taylor Kitsch) destined for greatness when evil aliens invade Earth. Plot? Aliens attack. Navy fights back. That’s it. Unless you count the burrito subplot as vital. I do not. This could have used a rewrite and a butcher’s knife in the editing room because even Liam Neeson, onscreen for 15 minutes, looks bored as the Navy commander/father of Kitsch’s girlfriend. Here’s the real riddle: Despite the dull rip off of “Transformers” and “Halo” that defines 95 percent of the flick, Berg coolly employs real veterans young (Gregory Gadson, amazing) and old (WW2 and Korean vets) as saviors of our Hollywood-cast cardboard heroes and this move openly calls bullshit on every rah-rah action hero ever made. Corny? Yes. But it works. Alas, inept studio mentality sinks smarts. Bombs away! C