A second hand surgery left me unable to type, but gave
me time to catch movies at home with only a few in theaters. Add in
that a new job, and I’ve been busy. Damn busy. Not seeing new movies busy. Small
town life does not help. (I hate living in a small town.)
With that, onward with miniscule new releases and many more older films… C’est
la vie.
Guillermo del Toro -– God love him -- goes back to gothic horror in
the English language Crimson Peak (2015), with Mia Wasikowski going “Jane Eyre”
again as a woman who falls for the wrong guy (Tom Hiddleston) in the wrong
house (it’s haunted, he has a creepy sister played by Jessica Chastain) and bad
shit happens. Head wounds. Poison. Blood. Few make violence as
personal as del Toro. Ghosts lean close to “Devil’s Backbone,” but this is same
world consistency. Moody, dark, and very 1950s/60s spook house horror, this
is a sick, nasty fun. Chastain is a great villain, outpacing our bland heroine by
miles, and would del Toro (or Edgar Allan Poe) have it any other way? Damn fine
score. B+
Johnny Depp goes dark in Black Mass (2015) as notorious Boston
gangster James “Whitey” Bulger, but bad makeup and ugly blue contact lenses
render the actor undead, looking like a leftover from “Twilight,” or worse,
“Interview with a Vampire.” I still hate that film. When the villainous White
helps an old lady carry groceries, all pleasantries, I pleaded, “Run away,
granny!” A true letdown. One can’t take his eyes off Depp’s fake eyes, for all the
wrong reasons. Watch it, but, you’ll never forget it’s Depp “acting.” On the plus side: The true story plot cracks hard, and the supporting cast is marvelous (Joel Edgerton, especially, as an FBI agent). But, really, I never settled in at any moment. C+
On the other hand, we go to
see “Mission: Impossible” films to see Tom Cruise play Tom Cruise, Movie
Superhero. Ethan Hunt? Just a fictional name. In Mission: Impossible: Rouge Nation (2015), Cruise and his pals
(Simon Pegg plays the perfect Simon Pegg) take on an ex-Brit spy turned
terrorist, with Cruise hanging onto a cargo jet by his fingers, and Alec
Baldwin as a CIA Director practically winking as he calls everything in every film onscreenludicrous, and Cruise’s Hunt’s exploits a “force of nature.” Huzzah! Love. A-
Slow
West (2015) is brief -- 80 minutes –- but it plays with big ideas and dishes dry, dark humor. Kodi
Smit-McPhee plays a young Scot new to America, crossing 1870s America on a trek
to find his crush. The boy is out of his league, and not in the know that his
love and her pop are wanted by bounty hunters (Michael Fassbender and Ben
Mendohlsohn among them). This is American history for real: Freedom and glory?
Myth. For the great majority, it was misery, with salt poured in all wounds. B+
I
Am Big Bird: The Caroll Spinney Story (2015) is a documentary on the man behind Big Bird and Oscar the
Grouch, two of the most beloved “Sesame Street” characters for any child of the
70s. (When Big Bird appeared in “The Muppet Movie,” I stood straight in my seat,
pointed and yelled, “It’s Big Bird!) The film paints Spivey in all his glory,
talented puppeteer, doting dad, a man with depression and violent daddy issues, but
even at 70 minutes, the film seems damn long. Maybe a better, shorter PBS
special? B
Lone Survivor (2013) follows four Navy Seals (Mark Whalberg leads) on a recon mission
deep into Afghanistan territory, capturing intel on a high-prized target. When
the mission goes shit, Walberg is alone, wounded and in dire need of
help. Director Peter Berg sells his story with guts and bravado, and heart
for Afghanistans. Whalberg’s too old by 15 years? Nitpicking.
B+
It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad
World (1963) is the classic
car chase comedy, putting Spencer Tracey, Phil Silvers, Mickey Rooney, Jonathan
Winters, Ethel Merman, Milton Berle -– and tons of others stars of the day and
silents –- after buried money. Epic, endlessly funny, director Stanley Kramer
has a ball making his cast make fools of themselves. Best scene: Winters vs.
gas station. Even the overkill length is tolerable. A
Terminator 3: Rise of
the Machines shows how James Cameron’s prior two films ran
like precision watches. This entry puts
director Jonathan Mostow in charge. Fuck up. The lead is pretty boy
Nick Stahl as John Conner, who has shit to do with the teen John played by
Edward Furlong in “T2.” Furlong vibed tough. Stahl? Frat boy. Schwarzenegger is
here for the paycheck. Plot holes loom. Connor tells us he’s a nomad,
living off the grid, but … he never leaves Los Angeles? Crap film. C-
Angelina Jolie’s Unbroken
(2014) follows the unbelievable, but true story of Italian-American Louis Zamperini, Olympian hero turned World
War II airmen turned POW of the Japanese. Jack O’Connell is the lead. Despite
the incredible story, the drama onscreen never sparks, and only vaguely
inspires. B-
Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtles (2014) is the fourth live action film of the 1980s
indie comic darling about four half-shelled, talking green heroes who battle
evil with swords and sticks. Most unrealistic scene? Our New Yorker heroes
order Pizza Hunt (!!) when they want a pie. Fuckin' really? Pizza Hut in New York? Ruined all the realism. D+
Australian horror masterpiece The
Babadook (2014) sucks you and offers a real gut punch: Which is scarier: A
demon or raising a wild child as a singe mum, or are they one and the the same?
Jennifer Kent writes and directs, and Essie Davis is the most tortured,
troubled mom since Rosemary got pregnant. A
I’m shocked how much The
Abyss (1989) holds up, 25 years on. James Cameron’s alien thriller,
anti-war drama takes place almost entirely underwater on a submerged oil rig
where Ed Harris and Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio deal with other worldly
visitors and dangerous military types (led by Michael Biehn). The water snake
scene remains one of cinema’s greatest “Wow!” moments. I prefer Cameron’s long
cut. A-
Dan Stevens made fans angry when he bailed “Downton Abbey” at its
peak fame. Turns out, good move. His first starring role is The Guest (2014), where Stevens turns
all those romantic charmer moves on their head as an ex-soldier terrorizing an
American family. Made in the spirit of “Stepfather” and “Hand That Rocks the
Cradle,” with a huge wink at the genre, “Guest” is wildly entertaining and damn
funny. A-
I had never seen Grey
Gardens (1975) until it showed on TCM. Filmmaker brothers Albert and
David Maysles certainly createdba masterpiece of film oddity, following the cousin
and aunt –- both named Edith Beale -- of Jackie Kennedy. These women, rich
beyond measure, live in squalor and literal shit, in a Long Island beach house past due condemning. They bemoan life. They won’t budge. As the film progressed,
I felt bad for these women, clearly in need of psychiatric help. Does the
film belittle them? Maybe. A-
Tak3n (2015) is the third entry in the film series involving Liam Neeson
threatening bad guys on a cell phone, this time with a family member DOA.
Producer/writer Luc Besson and director Oliver Megaton fly past any logic as
their entire plot rests on the temperature of fresh bagels. Every single minute
is mind numbing stupid, laughably so, but Neeson somehow saves the enterprise
from total disastrous crash. I swear to god, the final scene has Forest
Whitaker as a cop apologize for everything we just watched. C-
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