Killers (2010)

Ashton Kutcher as a CIA assassin. Katherine Heigl as a childish, hysterical wife. The hilarious notion that your boring neighbors are ruthless hit men. Dialogue that could clog toilets. “Killers” has all the ingredients for 2010's worst film. The film opens as Kutcher’s killer sets up a hit on some guy in France as Heigl and her parents (Tom Selleck and Catherine O’Hara) arrive for vacation. Kutcher’s stud wants out of the biz, Heigl’s doormat wants a man because in films such as this no woman can live outside of a man’s approving shadow. They meet nauseatingly cute. They marry. Three years in, the past is back to whack Kutcher. Guns blaze. Kutcher smirks. Heigl sobs. Not a moment of this contrived riff on “Mr. and Mrs. Smith” is believable, not the actors, setting, plot, romance or words spoken. Not to pick on Heigl, she seems incredibly nice, but I could not decide the worst scene she is made to play: When she jokingly claims daddy wants to rape her, or when her ad professional melts into tears because she has to (!!) speak in public. This isn’t just a bad film. It’s spittle in the face of any thinking woman and the guy who loves her. F