The Musketeer (2001)

“The Musketeer” pitches Dumas’ famous story as the gritty tale of a novice hero (Justin Chambers of “Grey’s Anatomy”) who must spur the outlawed, drunken Musketeers back to French grandeur. I don’t have the will power to go further into detail. See, it takes a moron king to ruin Damas’ work, and director Peter Hyams (“Timecop”) excels at the challenge. Action scenes are shot haphazardly and, in many cases, in utter darkness. Tim Roth, listlessly marching through his umpteenth psycho role, is the most interesting actor on screen by default. That’s because everyone else, including three guys I don’t know as the most witless, drunken Musketeers ever imagined, are void of any personality. How’s this for a seller? Mena Suvari has top billing as a chambermaid. The film reeks like a nightly bowl she'd empty. F