2012 (2009)

Roland Emmerich’s latest world-ender “2012” is a helluva lot like his previous efforts “The Day After Tomorrow” and “Independence Day” – humankind ignores glaring signs of cataclysmic event/big attack and suffers for it. Immensely. Billions die. Most of our heroes and their dog (where's the cat, man??) live. The end.

“Tomorrow” was heavy-handed leftist crap and silly. “Independence” was clever – and I kid you not – the best sci-fi genre satire ever made. (I have erased “Godzilla" from memory, only recalling that I wished every character on screen would die. Bloodily.) “2012” falls in the middle, jumping off the age-old premise our number is up in two-plus years.

It has all the eternally re-rehashed Emmerich elements – the father, his estranged child(ren), the ex-wife, the brilliant scientist, the tough president, the a-hole bureaucrat, blah, blah, blah. John Cusack stars. I need not go into details. OK – one detail – Woody Harrelson is the guy with the scoop of being dead-on correct smothered under 40 gallons of crazy glue. Harrelson looks like he couldn’t wait to get on set every morning. He’s a delight.

As long as the dim-witted chore “Transformers” sequel, “2012” mostly squeaks by all the science and logistical plot holes and “come on!” scenes where characters walk around in freezing temperatures but the actors barely seem slightly chilly. The special effects are seriously top-notch, and let’s face it -- this film exists for no other reason than to wow people with special effects. Consider me wowed.

Yet, the film irks, even past the Emmerich standards. There are long moments where - despite the thrills – I’m watching billions of people die and skyscrapers fall. For fun. I got the feeling Emmerich watches news footage of earthquakes, terrorist attacks and tsunami’s with one eye for mild concern and the other glazing over with an “I smell movie” high. The movie snob and liberal inside me winces. The other part of me, who laughed his way through the most tragic scenes in “Independence Day” (and got mean glares for it), stares in awe. For awhile.

Like the film’s long climax, "2012" is a washout. B-