Gambit (2012)

“Gambit” takes the 1960s Michael Caine Brit caper of the same name –- which I have only seen sections –- and casts Colin Firth and Alan Rickman in roles tailor made for each man’s screen persona. Firth is the charmer. Rickman is the asshole. Firth’s plan: Sell a fake Monet to Rickman’s media tycoon, and get rich. We have Joel and Ethan Coen given screenwriter credit. Don’t believe that PR move. Whatever version they wrote died long ago. Nor should you believe the flimsy animated credits opener that wants us to think “Pink Panther,” but delivers nothing of the sort. Believe nothing about this romp. The main gag has Firth’s hero as a delusional con artist who sees ideas play out perfectly in his mind before reality kicks in. He attracts disaster. A wink at Firth’s unending charisma? No. Director Michael Hoffman pulls the worst gotch’ya ender in history, negating the entire movie. Worst bit: Cameron Diaz channels Jesse from “Toy Story” as a cowgirl at the center of the wonky plot. She’s intolerable. D-

The Thomas Crown Affair (1999)

This is rare: A remake smarter and cooler than the original. John McTiernan’s takes on 1968’s “The Thomas Crown Affair” starred Steve McQueen and Faye Dunanway and spun on a bank-robber billionaire. Here, Pierce Brosnan and Rene Russo -- at the height of their stardom -– are in the spotlight with an art museum theft as the central plot device. Great change up. Brosnan is a Wall Street master who has grown bored with acquisitions and the back-slapping hoopla of taking other people’s money. But he loves oil and canvas, and a thrill. So he takes a Monet from New York’s Met. In broad daylight. During a giddy fun sideshow to a full-on robbery he orchestrated. Russo is the insurance investigator who care shit about art, but only the chase. She knows Crown did the theft, and he knows that she knows. Is the art the thing here? No. It's two bored powerful people who finally found the one who makes them tick. “Crown” is smart, damn sexy, and funny, with an insider streak that plays on the stars’ wattage, New York ego, and the prior film with Dunaway playing a wink-wink role. Brosnan and Russo are perfectly matched. B+