I am a rabid Chuck
Jones fan. There was or is no better animator, with Jones even surpassing Miyazaki
and Disney in my book. No man has better drawn the way a dog stretches under a
back scratch, or how any being –- man or beast -– can toss an askew glance at a
Murphy moment of despair. So when I sat for Jones’ celebrated full-length “The
Phantom Tollbooth,” I wanted to bask in childhood glory. Damn. This tale of a snotty
child (Butch Patrick, Eddie of “The Munsters”) who drives a magical kiddie car
through a magical tollbooth from live-action San Francisco into an animated world,
is not just sparkless, it’s a text book lesson in how not to entertain children. It’s devastatingly preachy with slimy goblins
warning of the dangers of doldrums, and kings and fairies warning of the sin of
using too many words, or not enough, and watch your posture, and don’t
complain! Well, I shall, thank you. Remember how cool those “School of Rock” shorts
were? This is School of Impatience. The basic plot -– two kingdoms of letters
and numbers are at war –- provides endless possibilities, and
demands a smarter remake. C+
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