Hudson Hawk (1991)

Bruce Willis just doesn’t star in the notorious action-comedy flop “Hudson Hawk,” he struts around like he’s the love-child of James Dean and John Belushi. He plays a cat thief who’s roped into (wait for it) one last job by the mobster Mario Brothers. Get it? Mario. Brothers. They’re Italian. (That’s the level of humor here.) One’s played by Frank Stallone. Sly was busy, I guess. Twenty or so minutes in, I thought the film was just somewhat awful. Then Willis and partner-in-crime Danny Aiello break into a museum to steal some Da Vinci art, and they … sing. Literally. Bruce Willis sings. And dances. As he robs a museum. It gets worse: Villain Richard E. Grant announces, “I’m the villain.” Sandra Bernhard is set off her chain. Andie McDowell is a nun who at one point impersonates a dolphin. Rome looks boring. (!) The whole film is one of those self-satisfied “ain’t we having fun?” toss-offs by actors too powerful to be told “No.” The last shot has Willis smirking into the camera. His face says, “Don’t like it? Fuck you.” Right back at you, Bruce. But I ain’t smirking. F