Tooth Fairy (2010)

Bill Murray, playing a dying Bill Murray, is asked in “Zombieland” if he has any regrets. He replies, “Garfield.” I predict that if Dwayne Johnson is ever asked that question on his death bed, he may offer “Tooth Fairy.” An equally baffling, terrible film. More so, maybe. The moment he’ll most dread: When his jerk hockey player character, wearing fairy wings and a blue satin outfit as the Tooth Fairy, shrinks and then flushes himself down a locker room toilet to avoid his teammates. I knew this one-joke comedy might be awful, but I never guessed the Rock-as-Fairy plot would be more "believable" than the romance subplot involving Ashley Judd as a single mom. Johnson’s stick man cruelly belittles her older son and steals money from her 6-year-old daughter, and Judd’s mom keeps taking him back. Even when he shows up at night to take the boy out, wearing … fairy wings and a blue satin outfit. Really, mom? The film credits the screenplay to six people, all of whom must have lost their brains along with their baby teeth. D

Finding Nemo (2003)

Pixar’s underwater adventure film “Finding Nemo” is another pearl in the studio’s collection. Here, a father clown fish (Albert Brooks in splendid Defcon 4 Meltdown) searches the Pacific Ocean for his only child, Nemo, who has been taken by an underwater diver. The captured boy fish is kept in a tank and befriends other sea creatures, quickly growing up away from his father’s helicopter parenting ways. Well, OK, so the plot riffs close to “An American Tail.” This is far better. “Nemo” has a pack of sharks forming a vegan support group, Ellen DeGeneres as a fish with a “Memento” problem, and a visual concept so marvelous, it’s a treat just to watch. The textures of the fish skins change in and out of water, and as they float, the body’s weight and fins are flawlessly rendered. I also dig Alexander Gould as Nemo, a scared boy with a damaged fin. In perfect child sync, Gould trips over many of his lines, barely able to get the words in order. In Pixar fashion, story and character still top the effects. Magical. A

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice (2010)

I dreaded “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice.” The previews looked terrible: Nicolas Cage as a sorcerer? The only thing he’s been able to conjure up for the past 10 years is crap movies, save a wicked role in “Kick-Ass.” But here’s the deal, this film, from the folks who gave us the “National Treasure” films, ain’t half bad. Don’t get me started on the silly plot schematics. Look far away from the plot. See, this has a magical Disney ’70s vibe to it, mixed in with favorite ’80s kid’s fare such as “Young Sherlock Holmes.” Its goofiness is its charm. The “Apprentice” is college geek David, a meganerd with the voice of a miniature Gilbert Gottfried, who is deemed by Cage’s magic dude to be Merlin’s long-awaited successor. David is played by Jay Baruchel (“Tropic Thunder”) in a performance so hilarious one is never sure if our hero will save the world or destroy it just getting his shoes on. Cage looks like a guy you want to walk waaay around at Times Square at midnight. He wisely abdicates the film to Barachel. Yes, there are magical walking mops. This is Disney. Bonus points: The world’s end begins at Wall Street. B-

No County for Old Men (2007)

“No Country for Old Men” is top-notch, dark-hued Joel and Ethan Coen Whiskey, equal to “Miller’s Crossing” and “Blood Simple.” This thriller turned morality tale burns going down, with pulses of humor so dark, one feels guilty for laughing. It’s also a wild companion piece to “There Will Be Blood.” If that classic is about America’s twisted love of capitalism and religion, this tackles America’s love for killing.

Based on the Cormac McCarthy novel, “Country” follows three men: Llewelyn Moss (Josh Brolin), a Vietnam vet; Ed Tom Bell (Tommy Lee Jones), a Texas sheriff from a family of lawmen; and Anton Chigurh (Javier Bardem), a near-silent killer with a ’70s Hulk hairdo and an obsession with fate. The film is one long chase, the prize being a satchel of money. The genius kick: Author and filmmakers don’t care about the chase or the money. As “Men” churns along, the graphic violence all but slips off screen, and a philosophical tone on morality takes over. Boring? Grow up. Cormac rips story-telling rules. Coens kill movie rules.

Jones gives a career-best performance, including a stellar monologue that refers to the 23rd Psalm, without mentioning God. That’s a McCarthy trademark. Barden is freaking amazing. I could ramble on for hours. I love this film. (The book is amazing.) I love the sound design (the unscrewed light bulb) and lack of music, and Kelly Macdonald’s stoic blast-of-truth housewife. Genius. A+

American Splendor (2003)

If Tom Waits was a nerd who never got around to playing music and opted to write comic books instead, he would have been America’s much-needed Harvey Pekar before Harvey Pekar ever filled the vacant position. Thank God that Waits is God and became a musician, correction, the musician, and Harvey – who died last week at 70 as I write this – turned his life into a comic book.

See, Pekar turned an art form dedicated to super heroes and monsters on its ass, and then stuck his thumb up it. His basic rule: Saving the world? Fuck it. Hell, living in it is difficult enough. He had artists such as R. Crumb to fill in the art work. This brilliant fourth-wall cracking 2003 adaptation celebrates this genius-oddball-file clerk by breaking down the rules of film, it’s at once a straight-forward biopic with Paul Giamatti as Pekar and Hope Davis as his third wife, Joyce, and a documentary featuring interviews of the real people on stages, and an interactive comic book come to life. There’s even a scene where the Giamatti and Davis as Mr. and Mrs. Pekar watch a play with actors (Donal Logue and Molly Shannon) playing a scene we just witnessed. No film has ever been made like this, them or since.

By celebrating Pekar, directors and writers Shari Springer Berman and Robert Pulcini celebrate the best intention of this whacked, sinful, exuberant land we call America: That anyone can rise above the muck. Even briefly. You just have to have the will. And the luck. Or the bad bad luck that others find inspiring, in a twisted way. American Splendor, indeed. Oh, best first date ever committed to film. Hands down. Giamatti is a genius here, getting Harvey's mannerisms down cold. My favorite film of 2003. Giamatti should have capped an Oscar. The film, too. A

A Haunting in Connecticut (2009)

“A Haunting in Connecticut” is one of those “based on a true story” haunted house flicks that takes 5 percent of a barely credible story and runs with it. Ghosts. Bodies every where. A serial killer. Blood seeping up from the floors. Yet, this film works. Even with the clichés such as the ill, but wise beyond measure priest (Elias Koteas). Maybe it’s the film’s focus on a family (led by Virginia Madsen) dealing with a son with cancer, and how the script plays with the idea that if the boy cops to strange visions – say, a dead guy – then he could be taken off the meds that may save his life. Director Peter Cornwell goes 111 on the creepy-crawly-nasty scenes, leaving nothing to chance that one might think this is a hallucination. For a low-budget horror, it’s entertaining as hell, with great makeup and effects. B

Meet the Parents (2000)

I have a soft spot for “Meet the Parents.” Why? The Robert De Niro character, Jack Burns, is a strange combination of many aspects of my father-in-law and father. (Many, not all.) When the film came out, I had just proposed to my now wife. Literally, a couple weeks before. My proposal had its own comic elements, most of my doing, but it didn’t play out like this. Burns is an old-fashioned, uptight former CIA spy with secrets who probably never didn’t vote Republican and guards his grown daughters with religious zealotry. Ben Stiller is the good-hearted male nurse who can't keep his trivia mouth shut, probably always votes Democrat and can’t help buy muck up everything he touches. Much like me. All the jokes center on the suitor’s name, Gaylord Focker, so the jokes come easy and play thisclose to juvenile-level crudeness. “Parents” also is a film of many “lasts” for me. It’s the last time I saw a decent film with De Niro’s name attached to it. It’s the last film I’ve seen headlined by Stiller where I didn’t want to throw something at the screen, screaming bloody murder. Good film. B+