Snow White and the Huntsmen (2012)

Irony has a queen: “Twilight” Sulk Queen Kristen Stewart plays a woman more fare than Charlize Theron in “Snow White and The Huntsman.” The former is, of course, the orphaned princess whose life is ruined by her evil step-momma (Theron). This version skews toward horror with director Rupert Sanders laying on the foreboding atmosphere thick as Tim Burton in “Sleepy Hollow,” before it jumps into a WTF war film of castle storming. Snow White as Aragorn? Yep. Every time my cinematic soul jumped at a great visual or beloved actor –- Bob Hoskins! –- it was dashed by the banality of ripped ideas from other movies. A beefcake love triangle for our heroine, with the Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) versus a prince (Sam Clafin) begs the question: Who thought that was a good idea? Neither man sparkles in sunlight. Theron oozes darkest evil, roaring over everyone as a sickly twisted feminist from hell. Best bit: The magic mirror on the wall is merely a warped delusion of her sick mind. Stewart is uninspiring and flat, her suddenly-a-bad-ass-warrior let’s-kick-ass “Braveheart” speech is a snicker. The second Snow White dud of 2012. C-