Bernie (2012)

The greatest indicator the rhythm is off in “Bernie,” a dark comedy about a real-life murder that rocked a Texas town 15 years ago, comes when a playground set is seized during a criminal investigation. The audience, in unison, let out a heartfelt, “awww” as two young girls watched their backyard kingdom be torn down by police. Outside of laughter at the people and hijinks on screen, it was the only other sign of human emotion I heard or felt. 

That’s how thin “Bernie” is. The film. Not the man. Bernie Tiede, is quite thick in the belly, as played by Jack Black, and as seen in real-life photos and video during the closing credits. 

Tiede was an assistant funeral home director during the 1990s in tiny Carthage, Texas, (even the name is ironic). Clearly gay in his every manner, Tiede became a local celebrity, a mascot if you will, to the good ol’ GOP-voting Christian folk there. Not just for his artistry of making the dead look good, but in his endless dedication to church, the local theater, baseball clubs, and his undying loyalty to the town’s widows. He even came to befriend the town’s one Ms. Scrooge (Shirley MacLaine), a vile control freak badger, set off her leash after the death of her wealthy husband. This is where the thrust of the film kicks in. She became Tiede’s Sugar Momma, he her Errand Boy. Things got ugly, and Tiede shot her. Four times. The town stood strong: Behind Bernie. Old lady? Fuggedaboudit.

Shocking? Yes. But Richard Linklater, directing and co-writing, would rather laugh at the wild audacity of it all, and edits in interviews with real-life locals to the mix, showing the town as mentally lost as Tiede is in the “movie” portion. The tone is so broadly farcical nothing sticks. With Black’s eternal wink-wink personality and mincing gay lisp, I never grasped whether or not trapped-in the-closet Tiede was sincere and full of love, or playing people, full of rage, or some place between. Wearing a mask if you will, to go all Batman here. 

Person after person in those interviews dismiss Tiede as “queer,” or insists “he can’t be gay,” he’s too nice and decent. Surely he heard that awful talk, surely it hurt, and made him mad. Or did it? Did he bury his pain. We don’t know. As portrayed, Tiede has all the depth of Ziggy, to bring up another roundish guy. 

More so, there’s a strong, unpleasant whiff that Linklater, a Texan himself, is pulling a nasty fast-one on those interviewees, inviting them friendly-like to talk on camera and then editing their words to appear as rubes and hicks, or borderline senile. Were these people misled? I'd sure as hell would think, “Yes.”

“Fargo,” a far more dark comic tale of murder, had infinitely more emotion, and it’s fictional. The comparison is silly, that film is so sickly brilliant, and brilliant, but I shall not digress. In this tale, an old lady died, for real, and we get nothing. There’s no sense of loss here, mixed in with the comedy. Any sense of irony is lost. MacLaine, dropping a racist tirade as the old lady, makes it all too easy. Too neat. Ehhh.

Matthew McConaughey -- God bless him, is he becoming a character actor now, no more rom-coms? -- lifts the film as high as he can as a self-righteous, but right nonetheless, ADA who is dismayed at the turn of events. Yes, he’s also spinning comedy gold, but he’s also the only one asking, how would you react? Bernie, or the lady? C+

The Muppets (2011)

My childhood has a pop culture Holy Trinity: “Star Wars,” Superman, and “The Muppets.” So, a new film – after a long silence following the 1999 dud “Muppets from Space” -- is massive in my life. Ask my wife. (No. Don’t.) So, is this rebooted comedy-musical farce, with Jason Segal and Amy Adams as the human leads, all it can be? No. Devout to classic Muppet spirit? No. But it is a start. The plot concerns the old gang -- Kermit, Miss Piggy, Scooter, Fozzie, Gonzo, etc. – reuniting to save not just the rundown Muppet Theatre, but their felt bodies and ping-ball-eye selves, and souls, too. And these things have souls. Better than CGI. It is daft, and spends far too much time on its human stars and has too many fart-shoes jokes that seen unwise, but it’s a blast. As with the TV show and original films, guest stars abound. Jack Black leads the pack. Heaps of hip comics. But no Steve Martin, who knows his Muppets. I wanted that. But I loved seeing Scooter again, and hearing “The Rainbow Connection.” Just wow. I can’t wait for more. RIP Jim Henson. Oh, Chris Cooper raps. Hilariously awkward. B+

King Kong (2005)

Fresh from the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, Peter Jackson remade “King Kong.” What a tall order. The 1933 Big Ape in the Big Apple classic is still a great joy despite its painfully awkward racism. (Let’s forget the 1970s remake ever existed.) This has the best attributes of the original -- spectacular visuals, a dame, a guy and strange creatures galore -– with creepier tones and nice a bit of satire.

The plot is the same: American peeps on a boat land on an island forgotten by time, encounter ancient natives and creatures galore, meet King Kong -- the ape the size of a cathedral -– and decide to bring him back to NYC. Those creatures, by the way, are dinosaurs that would kick the evolution out of the dino’s in “Jurassic Park.” A fight between Kong and three T-Rexes remains a powerhouse CGI show. (Nothing will ever top that awkward, creepy, fuzzy movement of the 1933 Kong in physical model form. I dig stop-motion more than any other animated format.)

Naomi Watts and Adrien Brody play the dame and guy; she a novice actress, he a left-wing playwright who’s having a career crisis. Both are clearly enjoying the uncommented upon wink-wink casting. See, Kyle Chandler plays a limp, narcissistic square-jawed WASP against Brody’s cool-under-pressure Jewish New Yorker. Seventy years ago, those roles would be reversed and offensively so. As a zany, greedy film director, Jack Black is himself, all ironic tics and eye-rolls. As well, Jackson can’t resist the tired cliché of having the only black character of significance sacrifice himself for his pals. Sigh.

Also, Jackson thinks longer is better, and pushes his “Kong” to a long three hours – nearly twice the length of the irreplaceable original. It’s monster big. This length includes trite discussions on “Heart of Darkness” and Great Depression economic commentary, all serious Debbie Downers. An hour could be deleted easily. That said, as with many a James Cameron film, this is damn fine cinematic eye and ear candy. B+

Year One (2009)

There are a few laughs in Harold Ramis’ Old Testament spoof “Year One,” but only a few. I laughed at a “chase” between two oxen-pulled carts. ... And not much else. Leads Jack Black and Michael Cera play the same dudes they always do (Black = prankster devil, Cera = virgin nerd). Plot? Black’s knuckle-dragging Zed eats Eden’s forbidden fruit, gains knowledge, and with Cerra’s Oh in tow, stumbles into the book of Genesis. The Cain and Abel bits actually are quite funny, with David Cross and Paul Rudd playing the brothers. Hank Azaria is a nutty Abraham. Monty Python, on its worst day, took a 2x4 to religion. Ramis uses a damp dishrag. The whole thing ends in a Sodom that ought to be smote by God. Not for sin. But for boredom. C-

Kung Fu Panda (2008)

I wasn't keen on seeing "Kung Fu Panda." The previews made it look like a bad "Kill Bill" spoof, and I'm dead tired of the animated spoof genre. So, I was stunned to love this Jack Black-voiced animated film about a hefty Panda who finds his kung fu fantasies coming true. The plot is simple: Chinese Panda Po (Black) diligently but unhappily works in his father's noodle shop until he is inexplicably tapped as the Dragon Warrior by the town's kung fu mystic guru. Tasked with training Po to fight a greatly feared enemy are Shifu (Dustin Hoffman) and the Furious Five (Angelina Jolie, Davis Cross, Jackie Chan, Seth Rogen and Lucy Liu).Black, by the way, seems perfect for animated films. He has an outsized persona that can grow bewildering on screen, but behind a microphone and with a Panda taking the place of his body, he's never been more ... human. B+

Tropic Thunder (2008)

"Tropic Thunder" certainly is the busiest action-comedy-spoof in ages. Aping Hollywood egos and serious war films such as "Platoon" and "Apocalypse Now," it has a cast and budget that rivals those two classics plus a dozen more epics.

Star, director and co-writer Ben Stiller is Tugg Speedman, an action film star on a career nosedive after he starred in an Oscar hopeful about a "retard" titled "Simple Jack" that not only crashed and burned, it seemingly offended half the known world. Speedman is now starring as Four Leaf Tayback in "Tropic Thunder, a hellish take on the real Tayback's experience in Vietnam. The film has a first-time Brit director (Steve Coogan), two wild co-stars -- an Australian method actor named Kirk Lazarus (Robert Downey Jr.) who's made up in black face, and a comedic drug addict (Black Jack) trying to go serious. Both are gods in their own minds. But the cast soon find themselves hunted by real Southeast Asia killers in a real war after a funny mix up kills the director.

The film is wildly offensive and all over-the-map, not only making fun of on-set ego fights and productions, but zipping back and forth to Hollywood to dig at a kiss ass agent (Matthew McConaughey) and an immoral studio executive (Tom Cruise). But nearly every dig feels true (even if it isn't), from the self-importance of film actors and Hollywood in general to the way whites would like to think they know how it is to be African-American. Alas, Black returns to full Tasmanian wild-eyed devil mode, while Stiller continues his happy "loser" character he's played to death for for the past decade. The clear champs are Cruise and Downey. Both under heavy make up, Cruise looks like he's having the time of his life, while good ol' Iron Man continues to show he's the best actor of his generation. Downey's every line is classic.

The film is a bit too hectic to win absolute love, and the best comedic bit is the quickest and most quiet. In a spoof trailer at the film's opening, Downey as Lazarus and Tobey Maguire as Tobey Maguire play monks in love, fondling each others' ... rosary beads. Hilarious. B