Hercules (2014)

Some sons of god can’t catch a break. Despite his name and rep, Hercules – son of Zeus – is weak on film. Twice in a row. Early in 2014 we got SyFy-worthy “Legend of Hercules,” a bargain-bin film that underwhelmed even the lowest expectation. Now I finally caught “Hercules” – starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and boasting Brett Ratner (“X-Men 3”) at the helm with a $100+ million budget – and it also is a resoundingly limp flick. Ugly CGI, flat characters, a pedestrian plot that makes H into a human mercenary with a heart of gold (boring!) but the brains of a dumb puppy, I sat stupefied that adults made this film. A hammy John Hurt –- the only reason to watch -- gets to scream, “Release the wolves!” Ratner and his crap writers want us to think Kraken, “Clash of the Titans,” I thought Hounds, “The Simpsons.” D

The Book of Life (2014)

Trailers for “The Book of Life” promised a gloriously animated supernatural vibe from King of the Weird and producer/writer Guillermo del Toro. The film delivers. Maybe not to the heights of “Pan’s Labyrinth” or animated siblings “Up” or “Coraline,” but enough that I left the cinema awed. Heavy on the wood and stone art of Mayan and Spanish cultures, “Book” has a literal bookend story of ragtag school kids visiting a museum and through a hip tour guide (Christina Applegate) learn of the feisty Mexican beauty Maria (Zoe Saldana) who becomes a coin in a bet between gods Xibalba and La Muerte, the after-life rulers of the Land of the Forgotten and the Land of the Remembered. Maria, see, is chased after two men, a reluctant bullfighter (Diego Luna) and a seemingly invincible soldier (Channing Tatum). The story is deep and wondrously dark and riffs on Radiohead’s “Creep.” Huge sticking points: Our gal still is made to choose her hubs to be. Ice Cube as God is so very Special Appearance By Ice Cube, the film’s magic bear breaks. B+

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013)

The God Boy Wonder returns in “Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters,” a dead-in-the-water sequel to 2010’s “The Lightning Thief.” Directed by a fella named Thor Freudenthal -– how quaint -– “Percy” again strives to be “Harry Potter: The Second Coming.” It is not. That series popped with magic of the fantastic and discovery and love. Fake from the start, “Monsters” makes its cast of interchangeable hunks and babes shout crap like “This is so cool!” as if they were children in a flashy toy ad. Who are they trying to convince? Plot: Percy (Logan Lerman) and his two godly BFFs must find the Golden Fleece -- recalling “Jason and the Argonauts” -– to save their campground school, all against much nonsense about a mysterious Half Prince. (Can Harry Potter sue?) The crushing failure of “Sea”: The entire adult cast of the film one -– Pierce Brosnan and Sean Bean among them -– are gone. Did they smartly ditch? Were they dumped to save money? Poor Stanley Tucci appears, looking as if wondered in from “Hunger Games” by error. Look, if one wishes to rip-off a top-notch franchise, fine. But give it effort. Try. This is just laziness. D-

Jason and the Argonauts (1963)

“The greatest film ever made.” Says Tom Hanks of “Jason and the Argonauts.” Damn it, he might not be right, but he’s not far off. How can you argue? This is absolute movie magic beauty: Giddy childish wonder watching wide-eyed as a group of men take on the gods and battle skeletal beings risen from the ground, all for honor. The director is Don Chaffey, but this is Ray Harryhausen’s gem: The special effects guru dreamed up those skeletons and the myriad giants and monsters and living ships that make up this classic. Screw CGI, this is the stuff of a boy (and girl’s) deepest imagination. The plot veers way off the Greek religious record as Jason (Todd Armstrong), lost son of a dead king, captures the Golden Fleece to –- unknown to him -– reclaim his rightful throne in an adventure that should spawn 100 sequels. Along the way, Jason finds a ship, Argo, brave warriors, and adventure and love, and monsters, and I will stop. Ditch Jason. The hero is Harryhausen. Dig those skeletons battling men to the death. This is what it meant to be young in 1963! A

Immortals (2011)

The first shots of “Immortals” are breathtaking in their 3D glory. We open on a massive stone cube and we then swoop in to see black-grime-covered men, lined up perfectly, their heads held in metallic clamps, their teeth clenching rods. It’s another startling image from director Tarsem Singh, the visual artist who made “The Cell,” a flick that took us inside the mind of a serial killer. There’s not much on anyone’s mind here, just insanely buff guys clanging swords and spears – hey, nothing gay here – during the ancient days of Greece. You know the tale: After his family dies, mad King Hyperion calls war on the gods and slays thousands of people as an attention grabber. The brave peasant Theseus -- who is the son of an earthly woman and a god, does that sound familiar? -- must stop him. The talking bits are ridiculously serious and full of blowhard boasts, especially when our hero rallies his troops “Braveheart”-style, but the blood-soaked action is something to behold. Henry Cavill, soon to be Superman, is the stalwart hero. Mickey Rourke is Hyperion, a bit too cool and ironic. From the makers of “300,” but not nearly as bloodily cathartic. B-