Earth vs. The Flying Saucers (1956)

“Earth vs. The Flying Saucers” is the standard-bearer granddaddy of all “alien invasion” flicks that “Independence Day” spoofed -– yes, it’s a comedy -– in 1996. It has the doom-serving green evil invaders causing world-wide panics and raining shit on D.C. landmarks, including the Washington Memorial and the U.S. Capitol. The hero is a square-jawed dull-as-sand white guy scientist (Hugh Marlowe) who has a noggin for rockets and a new wife (Joan Taylor) with a massive need to go “Eeek!” and much 1950s pre-feminism crap. Watch this and you will see the blueprint of films released now, even “Man of Steel.” It’s wildly corny with actors seemingly embarrassed to be in front of the camera, especially when Marlowe wears an alien helmet. The ending defines anti-climactic as the end action is doled out on a freakin’ beach radio. I guess the budget for Ray Harryhausen’s special effects puttered out. (I dig the hell out of those.) This is a trite marker of the Keep America White Era, wonderfully sucker punched by Roland Emmerich in his “ID4,” with heroes black and Jewish. None of those people to be seen here. Yeah, I’m political. B

Oblivion (2013)

Futuristic thriller “Oblivion” is a surprising effort from Tom Cruise and director/writer Joseph Kosinski for all the wrong reasons: It’s a dud film timed for Earth Day. Every scene, fight, character, and reveal is recycled from better films in my DVD collection. 

Cruise is Jack, a memory-wiped repair guy on a wasted 2077 Earth who looks after massive machinery that provides energy for humanity, now stored up on a spaceship and ready to bolt for distant refuge. Jack is alone but for his monotone (and ginger-haired) companion (Andrea Riseborough) who runs his life. A robot in high heels, her.

“Oblivion” is a knock-out artistically, but it’s also -– in case you haven’t been paying attention -– a nonsensical awful reverse of “Moon,” a new-classic sci-fi films. Yes, Jack meets another Jack. Really. Duncan Jones could sue. Also lazily ripped: “2001,” “Star Wars” and “Independence Day,” among others. No moment of this thriller thrills, it rehash future where reveals land like bricks.

When Cruise’s hero inexplicibly (mind wipe!) recalls a football game, I forgot I like him as an actor. Kosinski made “Tron: Legacy,” another great-looking sci-fi epic stuck in the past. Pattern? C

2012 (2009)

Roland Emmerich’s latest world-ender “2012” is a helluva lot like his previous efforts “The Day After Tomorrow” and “Independence Day” – humankind ignores glaring signs of cataclysmic event/big attack and suffers for it. Immensely. Billions die. Most of our heroes and their dog (where's the cat, man??) live. The end.

“Tomorrow” was heavy-handed leftist crap and silly. “Independence” was clever – and I kid you not – the best sci-fi genre satire ever made. (I have erased “Godzilla" from memory, only recalling that I wished every character on screen would die. Bloodily.) “2012” falls in the middle, jumping off the age-old premise our number is up in two-plus years.

It has all the eternally re-rehashed Emmerich elements – the father, his estranged child(ren), the ex-wife, the brilliant scientist, the tough president, the a-hole bureaucrat, blah, blah, blah. John Cusack stars. I need not go into details. OK – one detail – Woody Harrelson is the guy with the scoop of being dead-on correct smothered under 40 gallons of crazy glue. Harrelson looks like he couldn’t wait to get on set every morning. He’s a delight.

As long as the dim-witted chore “Transformers” sequel, “2012” mostly squeaks by all the science and logistical plot holes and “come on!” scenes where characters walk around in freezing temperatures but the actors barely seem slightly chilly. The special effects are seriously top-notch, and let’s face it -- this film exists for no other reason than to wow people with special effects. Consider me wowed.

Yet, the film irks, even past the Emmerich standards. There are long moments where - despite the thrills – I’m watching billions of people die and skyscrapers fall. For fun. I got the feeling Emmerich watches news footage of earthquakes, terrorist attacks and tsunami’s with one eye for mild concern and the other glazing over with an “I smell movie” high. The movie snob and liberal inside me winces. The other part of me, who laughed his way through the most tragic scenes in “Independence Day” (and got mean glares for it), stares in awe. For awhile.

Like the film’s long climax, "2012" is a washout. B-