Red 2 (2013)

The comic-book inspired “Red” from 2010 was an OK blast of time-waster fun, nothing special outside of the delicious sight of seeing classy senior citizens such as Morgan Freeman and Helen Mirren blast off guns and canons alongside Action Man himself Bruce Willis. And it had an Ernest Borgnine cameo. “Red 2” is very much all the same, minus Freeman and (RIP) Borgnine, as a pack of retired CIA killers -– led by John Malkovich -– again run after some McGuffin device as a tarted-up, evil, faceless Big Brother agency chases after them, bouncing bullets and plane tickets for foreign lands back and forth. The sought-after item here is an untraceable bomb developed by the USA lost decades ago and now likely to fall into the hands of terrorists. Anthony Hopkins pops by, making for at least one delicious scene where he and Brian Cox face off. That’s movie geek glory as each man played Hannibal Lector. But that’s it. The rest is paint by numbers and stale jokes. Here’s one: Have you seen the gag about the once cool bad-ass macho man reduced to shopping at Costco just like any consumer? No?!? Well, here’s your chance. C+

Monsters, Inc. (2001) and Monsters University (2013)

Animation wise, Pixar was knocking out instant classic year after year in the early 2000s, and “Monsters Inc.” stood tall among many gems. The fantastic story: All those shadowy monsters we saw in our closets and under our beds as children are real, and they live in monster city powered by the screams of bed-frightened youth. The kicker: The monsters fear children. Kids are considered toxic, and woe the hairy freak who gets a toddler’s sock stuck to his back. 

The top “scarer” is James “Sully” Sullivan, a massive blue-and-purple horned guy with the voice of John Goodman and a sidekick/manager/BFF named Mike Wazowski that looks like a giant eyeball with legs and arms, and the voice of Billy Crystal. (Just dig the names: Right out of any Philly neighborhood from my childhood.) All is well for these guys until Mike lets in a babbling toddler who mistakes our scary man for a big kitty. Mayhem ensues, with smart genre spoofing and asides as Ray Harryhausen’s name becomes that of the top spot to eat in town and medusa is, umm, a hot lady at work. For Mike no less. 

Every moment – especially John Ratzenburger as an Abominable Snowman with self-esteem issues – is magic, and the film empowers children to not cry but laugh at the dark. How unfathomably cool is that? Besides “Incredibles,” Pixar has no better action scene than a long fight between our heroes against a lizard-like color shifter snidely voiced by Steve Buscemi among thousands of racing, shifting closet doors, each leading to the “real” world. 

 “Inc.” pops and crackles with glee, with Randy Newman’s jazz score tying the knot on the present. The last scene kills.

The sequel, “Monsters University,” is a prequel as we jump back in time to see James and Mike meet during their freshman year of college. Are they pals? No. Rivals. The gist of the story: Our heroes are at college to major in scaring children to land jobs at the power company Monsters Inc. James is a natural, coasting in on his family name, while Mike has mud in his eye, not the slightest bit scary. 

The duo find themselves on academic skids after destroying a prize possession of the dean (Helen Mirren, turning on the intimidation to full blast as a dragon-like scorpion). Along the way Mike and James join the Omega Kappa (O.K.!) fraternity, a bottom drawer of geeks who live with one of their own mothers. Will Mike and James and the team succeed against all odds? Yes! They will. (Debate: Is cheating OK? Well…) 

Pixar is coasting here, railing on “Revenge of the Nerds” jokes and our own love for the first film. Oh, there are laughs -- I dug the old lady librarian from Mordor – but the jazz pop of “Inc.” is sophomoric.

Inc.:  A University:  B+

Gosford Park (2001)

Robert Altman’s art-house hit “Gosford Park” has been high in interest for the past three years thanks to Brit series “Downton Abbey,” both written by Julian Fellowes and concerning early 20^th century England where wealthy, connected families made caste system upstairs/downstairs a way of home, and of thought. 

Here, an aging benefactor (Michael Gambon) hosts a shooting/dinner party, bringing in family, friends, and hangers-on from local lands and across the pond in America. After the feast, a hunt, and other stuff you or I don’t ever do, the old man ends up murdered, and suspicion abounds. 

Among the cast: Kristin Scott Thomas as the wife, Maggie Smith as an (imagine!) uppity bird, Ryan Philippe and Clive Owen as footmen, Bob Balaban as a filmmaker, and Helen Mirren as a head house-woman. 

“Park” is purposefully slow as we follow these people in their routines before the murder pops every one’s bubble. Watching the film now, it’s a cool gift to see characters and dialogue lifted for “Downton,” and Stephen Fry brings the comedy as a bumbling detective. But it’s often a check-your-watch sit. 

The cast is marvelous, working for a film master sorely missed. B+

Hitchcock (2012)

I adore and fear Hitchcock. The filmmaker. “Hitchcock,” the new movie about the filmmaker? Not one bit. See, this is pitched as a behind-the-scenes tale of the making of the classic “Psycho.” You know, the mother of all slasher films. And, yes, we do get some of the writing, casting talks, Scarlett Johansson as Janet Leigh stuck in a shower with ol’ Hitch with a knife scaring the piss out of her. Those are snippets of the story. Moments. And Anthony Hopkins excels in them as Hitchcock, covered in fat makeup to play the big guy. When he “conducts” an audience reaction to the shower scene, outside a screening room, I was in movie heaven. But most of the film focuses on Hitchcock’s marriage, with his wife (Helen Mirren) nagging his ass 24/7 about avoiding snacks. God help me, it was like visiting my parents. More so, the missus launches a flirtatious affair with a Hollywood screenwriter (Danny Houston) and Hitchcock frets and fumes, and talks to the ghost of Ed Gein, the killer who inspired Norman Bates, and I wanted to slash apart this soap opera that muddies a mad genius/artist as a poor old befuddled geezer. C+

The Debt (2011)

A smart thriller of morals, ethics, and revenge among a trio of Mossad agents played out during the 1960s with Sam Worthington, Jessica Chastain and Marton Csokas, and then in the 1990s with Ciarán Hinds, Helen Mirren, and Tom Wilkinson. The 1960s mission: Capture an ex-Nazi hiding in East Berlin as a gynecologist, and bring him to trial. The 1990s mission: Ensure the tale of what really happened never sees light. When “Debt” focuses on the mission, Jewish anger, and guilt, it is damn exciting. See, Chastain’s agent must kidnap the decrepit Nazi during a pelvic exam, half naked and her feet in stirrups. It’s a riveting scene from director John Madden, who made “Shakespeare in Love.” Yet, the past and present tug-and-pull hardly holds, Worthington becomes Hinds, and Csokas becomes Wilkinson, and the paired men look so vastly different, I kept getting hopelessly lost. To worsen matters, Worthington’s Israeli accent vibes to distraction with the actor’s native Australia cadence. Add in a Hollywood OTT ending, and this remake of a 1990s Israeli film (which I have not seen) suffers. B

The Long Good Friday (1980)

“The Long Good Friday” is an absolute pinnacle classic gangster film in the U.K., place of my birth. Here in the States, not so much. It may not have glory and prestige of “The Godfather” or “Goodfellas,” but it belongs in the same esteemed crime family. This is a hard-scrapple bitchin’ bloody mafia flick about a common London mafia thug who has risen to the level of Godfather, and now he wants to go legit.

It’s 1979, and in several years’ time, the city is expected to play host to the Olympics. (It’s fictional, youz guys.) Harold Shand (Bob Hoskins) wants to buy up London’s real estate abutting the Thames River for development, with promised riches beyond compare to come. His investors? The American Mob. Guy ain’t going legit, just thinks he is, or tells us he is. Oh, but the IRA is bugging about, as one of his men has double-crossed them, and ended up knifed in a gay bathhouse.

The title is on purpose. It’s a long and bloody Easter weekend when Shant’s mob life goes to a violent hell, with bombings, murders, and threats galore, and one man will end up nailed Jesus-style to a floor. Hopkins has never been better or scarier, or more volatile, you can smell the brimstone coming off the guy through the TV set. When he rips a man’s throat apart with a broken whiskey bottle, it’s still a shocker, even on a 10th viewing. (I love this film.)

Helen Mirren is just amazing as Shants’ girlfriend-slash-brutal brains of the mob operation; every equal smarts to Hopkins’ brutality. She has to be one of the greatest actresses ever, period, end of story. Royally good. I will not stoop to a “Queen” joke, err, damn. Sorry.

The film starts off a puzzle box, with seemingly random scenes of dealings and bar hook ups and body dumps, all coming together at the end, in a wordless climax that should have won Hopkins an Oscar and can stand aside any scene in the more well-known films made by Coppola or Scorsese. Scotsman John Mackenzie is the director. He never made a better film and he died without merely a blip in the news this past June. Criminal indeed. (I cannot say I have seen his other work.)

Oh, and bonus points for “Remington Steele” and James Bond fans, this is Piece Brosnan’s first film rule, and he plays a wordless assassin who goes from man-on-man bathhouse shower action, I mean the kind that would send GOP voters into shock, to killer in a flash. But, hey, he uses a gun, so GOP voters will dig that, eh? Seriously, if you dig crime film, watch this, then put it in your collection. A+

Red (2010)

“Red” is actually, apparently, “R.E.D.” – as in Retired Extremely Dangerous. Or something like that. It’s a comic book movie without the tights and powers, but with plenty of over-the-top action that makes “The A-Team” seem as tame as “Jane Eyre.” The catch – the raison d’etre -- is the casting. Not Bruce Willis in the lead. We’ve all seen him mow down 106 bad guys and blow-up office skyscrapers. Yawn. But Helen Mirren with a sniper rifle? John Malkovich with a grenade launcher? Morgan Freeman slapping people? Wee! It’s The AARP Team. Plot: Mirren, Freeman and Malkovich help Willis’ newly retired CIA killer avoid being hunted by his former employer (led by Karl Urban of “Star Trek.”) over a massive government whoops. The flick is a goofy blast when the guns are blazing and fireballs booming. It’s a snore when anyone opens their mouth to talk. The director, whoever that is, enjoys throwing up juvenile CGI postcards to help the pace. Dumb idea. Bonus points: Ernest Borgnine plays word games as a vault keeper, and is a blast of fresh air. At age 93. All hail McHale! B-

The Last Station (2009)

Leo Tolstoy wrote “War and Peace” and “Anna Karenina.” But I never read his books. Boo-hiss on me. So I’m flying blind on “The Last Station,” a fine drama about the famed Russian writer’s last days, marked by a wild/loving marriage and scores of disciples. Tolstoy preached Christ-type stuff such as feed and clothe the poor, foregoing wealth and property.(Smoke that, Sarah and Glenn.) Facing death, he wanted to give all he had away, yet knew that doing so could ruin his wife. Yet he did it. Christopher Plummer plays Tolstoy and Helen Mirren is his long-suffering, patient Sofya. When these two actors are on screen, there’s nothing else better to watch. They are magic. The Tolstoys are run up the walls by Vladimir Chertkov (Paul Giamatti), an agent/confident who has the soul of George Steinbrenner. James McAvoy also has a big role in this large cast as a young follower. The extra characters are fine, but never truly compelling, and every scene without Plummer and Mirren makes you long for them. The dialogue is amazing. B+