Jurassic Park (1993)

Twenty years on I still remember watching “Jurassic Park”: A college kid wowed back to age 5: Real dinosaurs chasing people! So it seemed. Even now, Steven Spielberg’s popcorn ride still rocks with “How’d they do that?’ dazzle, long before we overloaded on CGI. You know the plot: Two dinosaur diggers (Sam Neill and Laura Dern) are invited by a P.T. Barnum-type (Richard Attenborough) to see his latest joy ride-slash-money maker: A Pacific island holding a live dinosaur theme park, with the extinct beasts brought back via magical DNA tinkering. The scientists stare in wonder, as do we as moviegoers. Not impressed: A sharp geek (Jeff Goldblum) who dishes on chaos and dumps on the old man’s grab for big smiles and bigger dollars. Naturally, it all goes to hell when a storm and tech glitches set the “controlled” beasts free and they hunt and kill, as dino DNA dictates. That’s part of Spielberg’s genius here: These animals are never the bad guys. They merely are. The glint of power in a rich Scotsman’s eye is plenty danger. This is amazing fun, always will be, with Spielberg mastering that thing he does: Turning childhood wishful fantasies into unshakable adult nightmares. A+

Hard Target (1993)

Jean Claude Van Damme and John Woo went Hollywood pro in “Hard Target,” a grisly, loud, and corny 1990s action blast that takes on the short story “The Most Dangerous Game” with a GOP spin. You know the original: Men are hunted as sport by other men with guns. Here, the hunted are New Orleans poor and homeless, while the hunters are rich white CEO types with a kill dreams and a copy of “Atlas Shrugged” by the bedside. The poor are leeches on society right? Republican cheer! Sorry. Could not resist. The plot kicks off with a young woman (Yancy Butler) searching for her vet pop who turns up a corpse from such a hunt. With police useless, she hires a drifter –- that’s Van Damme –- to catch the killers. Luckily this guy has crazy martial arts skills to fight all wrongdoers who mean her harm. Woo’s style -- doves, fireworks, ballet jumps with guns -– is plentiful and spectacular. But the slo-mo shots of Van Damme tossing around his filthy swamp boy mullet as if he were in a trailer park shampoo commercial just cringes, and brings unintended laughs. Quibbles aside, “Target” is remains Van Damme’s sharpest American effort. B+

Robin Hood: Men in Tights (1993)

Why make a spoof of “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves,” when Kevin Costner’s performance was its own piece of trash-art comedy, a knitting needle in the ear of anyone whose blood runs remotely English? But, Mel Brooks dishes up “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” anyway, and it’s a tired comedy that traipses out of Sherwood and over to Queens, New York, for a useless “Godfather” joke. Meow! Other Robin Hoods are spoofed, and, yes, Monica Lewinsky is referenced. Eww. Worse than the worst bits of “Spaceballs,” and miles below the heights of Brooks’ “Young Frankenstein,” “Blazing Saddles” and “The Producers,” this is just dullsville. Cary Elwes is ordered to play a dull version of his own Robin Hood hero from “The Princess Bride,” a classic genre spoof all its own. When Brooks went soft his films turned from “Must watch” to “Nothing else is on.” I saw this in the theater, and hated it. My second viewing … ohh, shame on me. C-

Mad Dog and Glory (1993)

In “Mad Dog and Glory,” Robert De Niro plays a detective so meek and insecure his co-workers call him “Mad Dog” out of ironic jaunting. One night investigating a murder, Sad Puppy Wayne stumbles into a store robbery. Almost by accident he saves the life of a low-level gangster named Frank (Bill Murray). Not a little amused, Frank – who moonlights as a standup comic who might send thugs to kill you for not laughing -- thanks Wayne by loaning him a “present,” Gloria (a young Uma Thurman). Here’s where “Dog” shits. I get that this comedy gets its spark from the anti-type-casting, De Niro as a doormat, and Murray as the heavy, but did Thurman have to play a cup of sugar in high heels? Much ink was spilled about reshoots and script changes. Apparently Gloria was interesting at one point. Not here. She’s the fantasy girl of all loser-loners – she’ll fuck you blue just for being smart enough to wipe your shoes after coming home. Cruelly sexist, I hated this film with righteous, liberal, progressive anger. It is Murray who saves it from a lesser grade. C-

Romper Stomper (1993)

“Romper Stomper” put Russell Crowe on the world stage. He plays Hando, a fireball of unending menace, a neo-Nazi skinhead with a devastating temper and raw sexual power. He is the leader of a ragtag pack of Melbourne racists -- all jobless, essentially homeless, stealing all that they own, and coming and going in a beat-up old clunker car, packed in like sardines. They blast hate music celebrating the glory of their white European heritage all the while. It’s a dark, uneasy satire: These thugs are not even self-aware. (Hando is fully in the know, he just doesn’t care.) Director/writer Geoffrey Wright doesn’t get all preachy on us, he doesn’t have to. Hando’s best mate is Davey (Daniel Pollock), a young man tiring of his thug life, and the arrival of a fiery, lost red head (Jacqueline McKenzie) is just the right push for the men to break apart. This is a violent and unflinching drama that loses its punch only once -- a scene where a young boy is shot. (The scene is handled badly, and feels overly faked.) Crowe, eyes ablaze, cuts through every other actor and set piece like a molten sword of hate. A

Cronos (1993)

Guillermo del Toro’s debut “Cronos” is a dark beauty: A vampire tale about a grandpa-granddaughter love straight from “Heidi,” but this old man licks snotty blood off bathroom floors and the girl can swing a skull-smashing club. This is nasty violent and funny as hell, a precursor to del Toro’s later genius work. We start in 1590s Spain as a watchmaker produces a device that gives eternal life, in all its eternal damnation. We jump to present day as an antiques seller (Federico Luppi) finds the mechanism – a gold-plated, egg-shaped spider -- inside a sculpture. The device turns the old man into Dracula, and freaks out young Aurora (Tamara Shanath). Meanwhile, a dapper thug (Ron Perlman of del Toro’s “Hellboy”) is hunting the device for his Howard Hughes-like uncle. Del Toro provides sick-minded visuals: Grandpa rips embalmer’s stitches from his mouth, and wears a taped-on suit backward. There are mind-blowing punches at religion: Risen grandpa –- full of wounds -– repeatedly declares his name, “I am Jesus. Jesus Gris!” Even the dialogue bleeds. A

1993: Best and Worst

The Best
1. Schindler's List
2. The Piano
3. Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas
4, (Tie) Jurassic Park and The Fugitive
5. In the Name of the Father
6. The Remains of the Day
7. Cronos
8. Romper Stomper
9. Short Cuts
10. Groundhog Day

The Worst
5. The Real McCoy
4. Son of the Pink Panther
3. Body of Evidence
2. Striking Distance
1. Last Action Hero